Manners Monday - #DareToBePolite - Never Put Anything in Writing...

Words, so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

The old adage to ‘never put anything in writing you wouldn’t want read by … your mother, your spouse, your boss, your children, your clients, your teacher, your employees, or blasted across the front page has never rung more true.  The written word - whether penned with a feather or typed on a tiny tablet - can come back to haunt you. It is a permanent record of what you thought, felt and believed at a given point and time. Words can be tracked, traced, manipulated, punishing and unforgiving. Particularly, in today's world where nothing escapes scrutiny and everyone is equally responsible. Even those at the tip-top cannot be fully protected. We've witnessed this time and again.  For a recent example, just ask one of the top tier executives at Sony. Of course, the scrutiny is not limited to the entertainment industry, it is epidemic worldwide. The horrific attack on the satirist magazine, Charlie Hebdo, has given everyone pause to perhaps rethink what is printed. While the freedom of speech, which gives us the right to print our opinions and ideas and is protected by the First Amendment must always persist, each incidence against it reminds us that there is no more powerful communication.  Its influence reaches far and wide and its message runs deep and eternal. 

Our global and technologically-connected world has given everyone a voice with no limits. One does not have to work for a high profile entertainment company or French satirical magazine to be heard. Our words may be written on a multitude of platforms that have the ability to reach anyone instantaneously. No longer do we have to go through a chain of command to have them published. Anyone with determination can distribute their innermost thoughts and beliefs with one press of a button and have them available on a massive scale.  This makes this period and time in history both exhilarating and scary as hell.

Step 3/Week 2: Communication: Never Put Anything in Writing...For the next seven days, aspire to be more mindful of what you write.  Double check your emails before sending. Re-read the content and make sure you aren’t offending anyone. Question whether you should hit ‘reply all’ or simply ‘reply’ to the recipient and remember to refrain from using all CAPS.  Use this week to triple check your texts. Better yet, try limiting these communications to mentions of running late or checking in. Texts are not designed for profound communications or professes of love or hate, and certainly not for altercations. Monitor what you say on social media. As boring as it sounds, better to save your witticisms for something nice than something nasty that will only bring turmoil and judgment. Bloggers and writers, notice if you are writing with the sole purpose to receive a reaction or writing with a bigger mission to uplift and inspire. Use this week as an experiment in written self-censorship rather than regurgitating every minuscule thought and feeling that comes to mind. Share with us what you observe in yourself and in others. Join us now! Make the vow to #daretobepolite!  

Manners Monday - #DareToBePolite - Communication: Breakdown or Breakthrough?

January marks the final month of our #DareToBePolite campaign with a close examination on communication. Long gone are the days of face-to-face conversations, having a tête-à-tête on the telephone, or sending one’s heartfelt thoughts in writing on card stock through snail mail. Who would’ve known that in 2015 smartphones would take over our lives and texting would become the premiere mode of engagement? With kids basically spearheading the movement, adults have closely followed suit and practically everyone is tapping away at lightning speed everything from making a plan and hashing out an altercation to posting a photograph or saying thank you. And we wonder why are lives are littered with communication breakdowns?  It is virtually impossible to convey your feelings, philosophies and tirades on a tiny tablet. We need more space and we need more personal interaction.  While one could argue that technology has enhanced our ability to connect, it has simultaneously drawn us more apart than ever.  As a nation and as a world, we are suffering from lack of contact.

For the next several weeks we will be studying communication and surveying where we fall short to determine what needs improvement and which skills to hone. The purpose of this 21-day practice is to become more mindful in all forms of communication, to halt further breakdowns and promote a few breakthroughs. If nothing else, this should increase awareness and responsibility for what you say whether in the written or spoken form. If you need validation from the outside, just look at the recent Sony debacle as an example of what not to do. Never put anything in writing, in jest or otherwise, that could potentially come back to haunt you. This example is one excellent reason for going old school and conversing in person. At least this way your words are not permanently on record. Unless, of course, you are someone with a high profile like Donald Sterling and your mistress has you on wiretap.  It is well obvious that no conversation is truly private anymore. You have to be highly cautious of who you speak to and ultra-selective with your choice of words.  You might even do yourself a favor and watch an episode of “Downton Abbey” as an excellent exercise in restraint. Their words are few, but potent and always eloquently conveyed even if bitterly cunning.   

Step 3/Week 1: Communication: Have a face to face.  For the next seven days we encourage you to ditch your phone in favor of getting in front of people.  Make a plan to meet for a meal. Schedule an outing for a walk in the park. Arrange a visit with someone you’ve lost touch with. When you’re in their presence, be fully present, not multi-tasking.  Study their features, notice their mannerisms, listen to their tone of voice, check out their body language.  These are all subtle cues and clues that will help you with your interpersonal interaction. At the same time, explore your own.  What are you saying with your body? Are your facial expressions revealing a greater story than the words coming out of your mouth?  Are you brusque and habitually say the wrong thing or do you process each thought before saying it? Do you keep yourself guarded or do you willingly disclose personal details? Share with us what you observe in yourself and in others. Join us now! Make the vow to #daretobepolite!  

Best & Worst Manners Moments of 2014

The past twelve months have absolutely flown by. Talk to anyone young or old and they share the same sentiment. I’m certain it’s a symptom of the fast-paced world we live in, one that has us incessantly running at warp speed from the moment we open our eyes till the second our head hits the pillow. Our busy lives have not only made time pass more quickly they have opened the floodgates for bad behavior. We’re simply too exhausted to self-regulate, desperately trying to gain attention, or frantically trying to cover up a misstep. We live under a microscope of scrutiny where our every move is monitored with little margin for error.  Those that shine are the lucky individuals who have their heads on straight, keep their manners intact, and their eyes on the prize (whatever it may be). Let’s take a look at this year’s best and worst manners moments as we bid adieu to 2014 and usher in twenty-fifteen.

In Entertainment

Best: King of Late Night, Jimmy Fallon and ABC World News Tonight anchor, David Miur. Both gentlemen took the helm in their respective fields this past year adding a touch of grace and class to late night and the evening news. They are not only uber-talented, they are good-natured, possess an incredible work ethic, inspire millions and exude a passion for what they do.

Worst: Sony Pictures exec Amy Pascal whose character came into question after a massive Cyber Attack exposed less than flattering, racially toned email communications she shared with film producer Scott Rudin about President Obama and a host of Hollywood stars. Although she made her best attempts to apologize, the revealing comments sent a larger message throughout the industry and provided a wakeup call for how business will be conducted in the future. Justin Bieber made our list again for more outrageous behavior including egging a neighbor’s home. And, Dennis Rodman who befriended the North Korea dictator, Kim Jong-un - coincidentally the subject of the controversial film, “The Interview” which sparked the Sony hacking fiasco - checked into an alcohol-rehabilitation center after facing embarrassment and backlash for his visit to North Korea.

In Comedy

Best: We lost two legendary comic geniuses this past year, Joan Rivers and Robin Williams. While their brands of comedy were vastly different - Rivers a brash girl from Brooklyn known for her acerbic, self-deprecating wit and Williams an improvisational wizard and stand-up extraordinaire living in San Francisco - both were considered national treasures, true professionals, loving parents, and kind souls who treated everyone with great affection and respect.

Worst: Beloved Bill Cosby did not end the year on a high note.  The groundbreaking comedian known as a trusted figure pitching such wholesome brands as Jell-O and promoting education and good values through his “Fat Albert” series faced a litany of allegations accusing him of sexual misconduct and rape.  His mishandling of the charges and inaction has resulted in the shattering of his squeaky clean reputation and has halted both his current and future projects.

In Politics

Best: Their Royal Highnesses, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, have topped our list once again with the news of a second child expected in April. They took the U.S. by storm in December charming and disarming everyone with a series of engagements on behalf of the Royal Foundation and other charities with which they are closely associated.

Worst: The news conference held for Governor Chris Christie as an attempt to apologize for the alleged closing of traffic lanes on the heavily traveled George Washington Bridge.  ‘Bridgegate’ as it was later dubbed, was apparently a retaliation to Fort Lee Mayor, Mark Sokolich, for not endorsing Christie’s re-election bid.  

In Sports

Best: Derek Jeter who wrapped up a twenty year career in Major League Baseball for the New York Yankees.  He was one of the greatest players of his generation winning five World Series championships and the admiration of millions. While maintaining a very high profile career, he successfully avoided major controversy or scandal and instead was known for his consummate professionalism and strong work ethic.  

Worst: Real estate mogul and former Los Angeles Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, for his thoughtless, racist remarks which were taped and subsequently released to the public resulting in the forced sale of his NBA team, a hefty fine of $2.5 million dollars and a banishment from the NBA for life.  Top of our list also goes to the embattled, National Football League, who is in desperate need of an image boost after suffering a plethora of domestic violence incidents among its players and for mismanagement of its leadership at the top. 

In Fashion

Best: Oscar de la Renta who embodied elegance in every sense of the word endearing himself to throngs of fans spanning the globe from first ladies and celebrities to socialites and fashionistas. He was the quintessential gentleman, both dapper and debonair who created a fashion empire that exemplified his zest for life as well as his eye for quality and impeccable taste.  Flawlessly dressed for any occasion, his sophistication and style went unrivaled.  

Worst: Founder and former CEO of the popular T-shirt company, American Apparel, Dov Charney was fired by his board of directors for ongoing allegations relating to sexual harassment and misuse of company funds.  

In Music

Best: Pharrell Williams’ song "Happy" was voted Billboard Magazine's #1 single for 2014 for its uplifting missive. He’s a permanent entry on the “Best Dressed” lists, a perpetually nice guy and provider building a $35 million after school center for his hometown of Virginia Beach. The singer, Meghan Trianor, tops our list with “All About that Bass,” an anthem song for the thongs of women who struggle with body issues. While it has become a huge dance hit, it is the song’s positive message encouraging girls to love their bodies regardless of their shape that is resonating across the country. 

Worst: Nicki Minaj wasn’t the only one contributing to 2014’s unofficial proclamation as the ‘Year of the Rear,’ but she was the worst offender with her racy video for the song “Anaconda” which featured a chorus of women shaking their behinds in the jungle sending the wrong message to young women about the power of their sexuality.

And there you have it, another year passes with a sprinkling of good, the ridiculously bad, and the downright ugly.  Let's hope this next twelve months shows increasing signs of hope for a brighter future for our nation, one where we tip the scales of good and say so long to the bad and the ugly.

Burberry Holiday Event for Beverly Hills Manners

Really, all a girl needs is a good blow-dry, a pair of fabulous heels, and a trench coat to protect her from the elements, and she’s good to go.

When I was approached by Burberry this past summer with the idea of a festive holiday event to celebrate the release of my newly titled paperback book, Beverly Hills Manners: Golden Rules from the World's Most Glamorous Zip Code, I was elated. The book was due to release in mid-November and the holiday season is absolutely my most favorite time of the year. 

The alignment felt like a match made in heaven. After all, the British company not only represents the epitome of style and taste (made most famous for their trench coat) with stores and franchises spanning the globe, but the British in general are widely known for their impeccable manners. They have basically cornered the market on the subject and kept manners in fashion over the years. Nothing beats a British accent, it makes even the most common vernacular sound spectacularly eloquent. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have completely revitalized the Royal family with spectators and fans calculating their every move and clamoring to catch a glimpse of their Royal Highnesses. And, everyone is enamored with "Downton Abbey," the British period drama television series entering its fifth season this January, as the arbiter of all things civilized and sophisticated.  

The fascination with the British reaches far and wide symbolizing a timeless elegance, eternal class and infinite order, elements sorely lacking here in the U.S. where casual Fridays rule, boorish behavior reigns, and reality show stars receive the royal treatment. 

America is in desperate need of a reboot! I am on a mission with my company, my book and my brand to single-handedly bring back the importance of good manners and raise the awareness level here in the U.S., beginning with our tony town of Beverly Hills. A city I am proud to call home.

After months of planning, the Burberry event took place at their new flagship store on Rodeo Drive in mid-December. I happily donned a Burgundy dress from the Burberry Brit collection in honor of the occasion.  Quotes from my book were printed on placards and placed throughout the floors and autographed copies were distributed to guests upon departure. Fun was had by all with proceeds benefiting P.S. Arts, an outstanding organization providing quality arts education programs to underserved public schools. 

Manners Monday – #DareToBePolite – Dining & Entertaining: Navigating the Table

At holiday time or any time, many of life’s most joyous occasions occur around the table. Family and friends gather, food is prepared or purchased, conversation is flowing and lively, and everlasting memories are made. With the tone properly set and the elements painstakingly in place, all that is remaining is how to properly navigate your way around the table and correctly bring the food into your mouth. 

Improving dining skills is the single most popular request among the bevy of manners-related topics. While some may find this a vacuous pursuit, on the contrary, the art of fine dining is meant to be upheld and mastered. After all, the way we hold our fork and knife reveals a lot about who we are, where we came from and where we aspire to go. 

Whether dining on fine china or handcrafted ceramic dishes, all items are placed on the table in neat order guiding us through the courses with ease and dictating what we will be eating and when. The goal always to seamlessly enter the contents of food into our mouths thus eliminating any possible distraction and keeping the focus on the more meaningful endeavor of building relationships and forming bonds.

Step 2/Week 3: Dining & Entertaining: Navigating the Table. This week’s challenge heightens our awareness at the table from the dining room to the board room as dining skills are essential to success both personally, as well as professionally.  Use these next seven days to pay closer attention to how you eat. Notice your napkin usage, how you enter and exit your chair, how you speak to the wait staff at the restaurant and how you set the table for a meal at home.  Observe your dining style. Do you know which side your drinks and bread plate are located?  Do you use both the fork and the knife or do you break out Mr. Finger? Did you learn the American style switching hands and bringing the food into your mouth with your right hand fork tines up? Or, were you taught to dine Continental style with the fork in the left hand tines facing down and the knife in the right?  Are you familiar with the resting and finished positions?  Do you know how to pass foods around the table? Which side to serve and which side to clear?  Do you prefer formal sit down dinners or more casual experiences? Are you open to trying new foods?  All of these questions factor equally into the dining equation. What we eat and how we eat provides valuable insight to others.  

Discover the details that go into the daily occurrence of dining. Use this week to refine your skills just in time for the Chanukah and Christmas festivities around the table. Find out where you feel most confident or where you may need a bit more polish?  Share with us what you observe in yourself and in others. Join us now! Make the vow to #daretobepolite!  

Manners Monday – #DareToBePolite – Dining & Entertaining: Assembling the Elements

It takes a village to assemble just the right elements to masterfully pull off any special occasion.  Any expert entertainer knows that whether creating a casual or an elaborate affair, a perfect balance of ingredients must be carefully orchestrated in order to present an appearance of calm and create an atmosphere of enjoyment.

The small details dictated by the host ranging from the meticulously selected guest list to the decidedly imaginative invitation, the inventive menu, and the desired setting, all play an equal part in the party’s ultimate success.  While some hosts get a thrill in taking on the task themselves, there is no shame in enlisting help.  A good host knows their limitations and has a list of professionals ready to dive in and tackle any task.  Food may be homemade, catered or brought in from a favorite restaurant as long as it is transferred onto serving platters and made to look presentable on the table.  Most important on the list is a happy host who puts their guest’s needs first and is willing to make any concession to ensure they have a positive experience.

The gracious guest is an integral player in the party’s triumphant outcome. After all, they have been carefully selected and vouched for by the host and they should perform accordingly.  Grateful to be a part of the festivities, an exemplary guest puts effort into appearance, arrives on time with a thoughtful gift in hand, is geared up to make witty repartee with both hosts and guests alike, and follows up with a grateful note of thanks.

Step 2/Week 2: Dining & Entertaining: Assembling the Elements. This week’s challenge is highly applicable as we head closer to the Chanukah and Christmas holidays where endless opportunities for entertaining and dining abound. In these next seven days, if you are hosting a party, take a few extra minutes to pay attention to the particulars. Add fresh flowers to your table, light candles, pipe in a little mood music.  Go the extra mile to check in with your guests to make sure there are no severe allergies or other dietary restrictions. Set the table with the fancy dishes and glassware you keep locked in a cabinet for most of the year. Add a few new guests to your list and arrange place cards to encourage interesting conversation.  If you are attending a party, be sure to RSVP right away as the holiday social calendars tend to become quite full. Find the perfect host gift and write a little note to present upon your arrival. Offer to bring a holiday dish or bottle of wine to accompany the meal. Perhaps the host needs a bit of help with the dishes or taking out the trash? Step up and you’ll guarantee future invitations.

Notice your strengths as well as your pitfalls.  Do you prefer to host or attend a party?  Are you a happy or harried host?  Are you a gracious or impolite guest?  Which elements do you enjoy and which feel like torture?  Share with us what you observe in yourself and in others over the course of the week. Join us now! Make the vow to #daretobepolite!  

Manners Monday – #DareToBePolite – Dining & Entertaining

December marks month two of our #DareToBePolite campaign.  Fresh off the Thanksgiving bandwagon, it’s time to now prepare for the throngs of holiday party soirees and the endless amounts of invitations, obligations and appreciations that will ensue from now until New Year’s. Whether an intimate gathering with a select few or a massive affair with hundreds, the basic tenets still apply and are expected to be upheld. Always make your guests feel welcome, create a cozy atmosphere, keep the conversation flowing, avoid stirring the pot, don’t disgust your dining partners, and have an endless supply of libations on hand.

For the next several weeks we will be exploring everyday table manners as well as formal dining skills in a variety of settings from the living room to the board room and over power breakfasts, lunches and dinners. We will dissect food idiosyncrasies, dietary restrictions and culinary options to expand both the palate along with the mind.  We will delve into the vast world of entertaining from the invitation and décor to the preferred cuisine and select entertainment. We will investigate the roles of the happy host along with the grateful guest and uncover the many quandaries that arise from the RSVP’s and attire to the requisite thank yous and goodbyes. Many of life’s most meaningful moments involve a degree of dining and entertaining and we need to bring our A-game to ensure we enjoy it to the fullest.

Step 2/Week 1: Dining & Entertaining: Setting the Tone.  The world of dining and entertaining offers an excellent opportunity to display ones best manners and perfect the art of feeling confident while putting others at ease. In these next seven days, we begin specifically with setting the tone. This is the first step in planning any occasion from a business dinner to a birthday party. The choice of venue, the degree of formality, the budget, the personality of the guests and the number of attendees must all be taken into consideration. Are you courting an international client over lunch?  A review of the continental dining skills may be in order to avoid sawing your steak.  Organizing a big birthday bash for your 80 year old mother? Selecting a venue with easy access for elderly guests as opposed to a venue for purely aesthetic reasons will hopefully be top on the list.  Setting the tone on a more symbolic level has more to do with frame of mind. Attending the annual office holiday party?  You may want to eat a little nibble beforehand to take the focus off of the free shrimp and more on the benefits of stress-free socializing with co-workers. In-laws invited you and your spouse to join them for a holiday weekend in the mountains?  You may wish to push aside personal differences and approach them with a willingness to get along rather than being just being right. Handling these subtle, yet vital issues beforehand sets the tone both mentally and physically and ensures the best outcome for all.    

A successful dining experience builds bonds and solidifies relationships.  A pleasurable party leaves warm lasting memories for years to come. How will you choose to set the tone or improve the tone in the next week?  Share with us what you discover in yourself and in others. Join us now! Make the vow to #daretobepolite!