Manners Monday – Downton Abbey vs. The Donald – Goodbye Civility, Hello Chaos

I am truly sad. After six seasons, Sunday marked the end of an era here in the United States with the airing of the final episode of beloved PBS drama “Downton Abbey.” A show that held us to the highest standard and walked us through the beautiful lives of the British aristocracy has bid us adieu. It’s ironic that this critically acclaimed historical period masterpiece is leaving us at a time in our history when we need it most. We can no longer count on the Crawley family and their dutiful servants to lead us through a life of civility. Instead, we are faced with a climate filled with chaos particularly within our political process and led brazenly by Republican frontrunner, Donald Trump.  

As the owner of an etiquette consulting company, it has been exceptionally difficult to process the response Donald Trump has received from the masses. From the moment he threw his hat into the ring it’s been an endless round of insults, jabs, punches and blows. Where the occupants of Downton Abbey have been trained in the school of elegance, formality, and restraint, Donald Trump takes his cues from World Wrestling Entertainment repeatedly smacking down opponents and spewing offenses for pure entertainment. My husband happens to represent WWE wrestlers so I know from what I speak.  Somehow he has successfully pushed the limits well beyond comfort level appealing to the anger and disdain of our nation. Up to this point, his unorthodox behavior has been impervious to social norms making up his own rules with no subject, personal or professional, too taboo.  Whether he’s obnoxiously attacking an opponent on their physical features, unbelievably pretending not to hear a question involving KKK leader, David Duke, outrageously encouraging his supporters to raise their right hand and pledge their allegiance to his campaign, or peddling his personal brand of Trump products, he remains virtually unscathed and continues to crush in the polls. Astonishingly, he has single-handedly inspired more voter turnout than we’ve seen in the political system in recent history.  This guy’s on a winning streak that won’t end.

In preparation for the Downton finale, I viewed a double-feature of the “Manners of Downton Abbey” and “More Manners of Downton Abbey” which only served to underscore the many differences we are witnessing today in bold, high-definition color. From the style and grace that ruled their behavior to the gorgeous self-control that governed each movement and utterance. Not a step was taken or word was spoken without careful consideration and precision. Manners played an integral part of their daily lives. They provided structure, meaning and a code of conduct to live by - they were a rulebook to follow regardless of social class.  In stark contrast, we are witnessing a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants craziness laced with vulgarity and vibrato.  Manners are cast aside as an afterthought, while the disrupters, the rule-breakers and trouble-makers get things done.  So how do we make sense of this all?  How can we make peace with this shift in behavior?  Is there a sweet spot that lies somewhere in between the two?  In order to discover, let’s take a look at some of the key areas in which Downton and the Donald differ.

Character

Downton Abbey:  A cool reserve was the definition of good character.  Formality took precedence over everything. A disciplined restraint was observed at all times. Accomplishments were downplayed and humility was favored.  There was a deep sense of honor and attention paid to tradition and customs.  

Donald Trump:  Good character means winning. He is attention-seeking and smug unabashedly sharing his list of accomplishments and conveniently forgetting his failures.  He doesn’t feel beholden to the traditions or customs of the political process preferring to make up his own rules as he goes. 

Language

Downton Abbey. Careful consideration was given to how to speak, when to speak and what to say. Conversation was formal, indirect and devoid of emotion.  Words were used sparingly and methodically.  Vocabulary was intelligent and incredibly witty.

Donald Trump: His rhetoric is a symptom of our society today, uncensored and without filters.  It leans towards the simplified, the crass, and the monotonous. He is the king of catch-phrases, one-liners, and absurd attacks. He is quick to insult, brag, bully or be on the defense.  He does not back down and likes to have the final word.  

Deportment

Downton Abbey: Body movements were kept to a minimum with posture stick straight whether sitting or standing.  Hand gestures and facial expressions were barely detectable. Nothing was done with haste. Confrontation was to be avoided at all costs.

Donald Trump: He prefers a big entrance. His boisterous movements are taken right out of the WWE playbook. His facial expressions are priceless and comical. He is quick to gesture and point.  He relishes in inciting the crowds and dissing his detractors. He thrives on the spectacle, showing energy and plenty of passion.

Money

Downton Abbey: Money was never mentioned in polite conversation. Knowing your place in the social hierarchy was not privilege, it was a duty and, therefore, came with responsibility. It was rude to be snobbish.

Donald Trump: His wealth is repeatedly mentioned without an ounce of modesty or shame.  Whether he’s proudly defending his self-funded campaign, disputing his personal net worth, or touting the vast Trump brand, he fancies the flashy showing nothing but contempt for anything understated.

Manners Monday – 26 Must-Have Manners in 2016

Twenty-sixteen promises to be a doozy of a year.  With a contentious race for the oval office here in the U.S. and mounting turmoil around the world, there has never been a better time to break out our best manners for goodness' sake. The days of watching “Downton Abbey” are drawing to an end and so seems our arbiter of all things decent and just. During the Edwardian era, pride and dignity governed every decision and interaction. Discretion, decorum, and modesty were to be maintained at all times. 

Over one-hundred years later, it seems the exact opposite is true.  The more conspicuous, defiant, amplified, arrogant, and crazy/uncontrollable/trainwreck you are, the greater power and influence you yield. Whether you love him or hate him, Republican frontrunner Donald Trump is a perfect example of this. He has captivated interest and catapulted in the polls by ignoring the rules and imposing his unfiltered opinions. So have the Kardashians and the Housewives franchise for that matter, gaining attention and popularity by exposing their uncensored, unapologetic selves warts and all.  

These are the times we live in and society is taking note. While celebrities and politicians with public forums have more license with this type of behavior, the rest of us in the real world must adhere to a more humble set of rules to succeed. We need to treat each other with kindness, respect, and consideration in order to build relationships and forge meaningful bonds. 

To get started on the right foot both personally and professionally in the new year, here are 26 must-have manners for 2016. 

1. Greet people with good eye contact and a toothy smile.  It makes you appear more approachable and likable.

2. Always stand to shake someone’s hand.  Extend your right hand, shake web-to-web with two firm pumps, and then gently release.

3. RSVP to invitations in a timely manner. Be sure to reply even if you know you will be unable to attend.

4. Express gratitude for gifts received and other acts of kindness with a well written thank-you note delivered via post.    

5. Practice the three "B's" when toasting: begin, be brief, be seated. If you are the recipient of a toast, do not raise your glass to drink.  Simply smile and say thank you.

6. Use the Continental style of dining holding your fork in the left hand and knife in the right.  Face fork tines down to pierce the food while using the knife to cut and push the food onto the fork.  Sit up straight and lean in towards your plate. 

7. Return all phone and email communications within 24 – 48 hours.  Failure to do so conveys a message that one is not worthy of your immediate attention.

8. Texting is the preferred method of communication to let someone know you're running late, however a serious relationship cannot be conducted on a smartphone. Place a call instead.

9. Practice the art of articulation.  The more succinct your message, the better chance others will listen.

10. If you are invited to someone’s home for dinner, bring a host gift or offer to contribute to the meal.  A favorite homemade dessert, a nice bottle of wine or potted plant is always welcome.

11. Place your cell phone on vibration mode. Go silent in public places. Warn companions ahead of time if you are receiving an important call. At mealtime, keep phones off the table.

12. Fold your napkin in half lengthwise on your lap when eating, rest it on the seat of your chair to excuse yourself during the meal, and lay it on the table to the left of the plate once the meal has concluded.

13. Tip the standard 20% for services rendered and you will be sure to receive excellent service time and again.

14. Email wisely by typing the content first and then inserting the “Send” address before transmitting.  This will reduce accidental or incomplete communications.

15. After a job interview, send a thank-you note the same day, it will increase your chances of obtaining that position. 

16. Bathe on a daily basis. Keep hair, nails and skin clean. Use deodorant and only a dab of perfume or cologne.

17. When entering a room, stand up straight like a palm tree.  You will appear more confident, your clothes will fit better and you will look taller and leaner.

18. Meet and greet, neat. Ladies must be introduced to gentlemen, younger people to older people, and regular folk to dignitaries or VIP’s. At work, observe the hierachy from top to bottom, but remember the client always comes first.

19. Keep unsightly habits out of sight. Nail-chewing, gum-snapping, knuckle-cracking, excessive hair play, or grooming of the extremely personal or unsanitary sort will detract from your overall appearance.

20. Be forthcoming with the magic words. Include please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me, and I’m sorry in everyday conversation to smooth over every interaction, confrontation or altercation.

21. Dress according to season, weather or event. When in doubt, a good coat will cover up almost any fashion crime.

22. Resolve any conflict by listening and validating the other person’s opinion. If necessary, politely agree to disagree and then make your best efforts to move on.

23. Never leave the house without something minty concealed somewhere on your person. The same goes for tissues or a handkerchief.

24. If you are in the wrong, express true regret and sincerely apologize. Take full responsibility for your behavior and clean up your own mess.  You will be forgiven.

25. Use social media wisely to enhance your life, not enslave it. Disconnect from the matrix on a regular basis and reconnect in person with the most important people in your world.

26. Possess a positive attitude.  A healthy, grounded and optimistic outlook on life will garner you more invitations, more opportunities and help you win friends.

Manners Monday - 5 Ways to Step Up the Manners in Your Marriage on V-Day

When it comes to long term marriage, manners can seem quite elusive. Once you've put in about seven years plus (they don't call it the seven year itch for nothing!) with your spouse sharing living quarters, exhaustive child rearing and/or opinionated in-laws, it's very tempting to bark orders and let your pleases and thank you's slide. Add to that already fragile recipe, a relentless work schedule and 24/7 access to online flirtations, and it's no wonder we are experiencing staggering divorce rates! Perhaps we should turn back the time and take a few cues from the "Downton Abbey" era. Resuscitating these formal niceties may be just the remedy to combat a comfortable rut between spouses. I imagine many a mate would prefer that their significant other stand at attention when they enter a room, rather than fart in it. They would appreciate a spouse who will offer to pull out their chair to be seated as opposed to seating themselves first. And, any partner who will take out the garbage when it is full rather than recklessly trying to cram in one last piece, comes across as incredibly thoughtful.  You see every little action, thought and reaction counts ten-fold in the days leading up to this Hallmark holiday. To ensure yours goes smoothly, here are 5 simple ways to step up the manners in your marriage on Valentine's Day and every day.

Sweat the small stuff. When it comes to marriage, the smallest gestures can make the biggest difference. If that means picking up your dirty clothes from the floor and putting them in the laundry, twisting the cap completely closed on the toothpaste, or greeting your spouse with a warm kiss instead of a grunt when you walk through the door, then so be it. Don’t give them any reason to get upset during this day devoted to love.

Make a new plan.  After many years of togetherness, married couples will take on certain roles. If you're the one doing the driving and shopping, as well as the cooking and the carpooling, your partner should offer to plan something interesting and romantic for you two to share in together. This may take some imagination, but it doesn't have to break the bank. Involve your spouse to make sure you are on the same page, but then show some initiative and confirm all of the arrangements on your own. 

Lose your tech. Technology has succeeded in separating us. When texting "I Love You" becomes easier than saying it face-to-face something is going terribly wrong. Do whatever is necessary to complete your work and show up in person for your spouse. Nothing is sexier than being present, especially if you travel for work or have your smartphone glued to the palm of your hand.  Ask your spouse meaningful questions and really listen to the answers.  This will automatically bring you closer, guaranteed.

Meet them where they are.  It is rare for a married couple to be exactly alike. As much as they have a shared love for one another, what may sound amazing to one partner may be a complete nightmare to the other. You know your spouse better than anyone, so put yourself in their shoes and try to find a happy medium you both can enjoy.  If they are a traditional romantic, put on some relaxing music, cuddle under a blanket, light a fire. If they prefer to loosen up a bit first, join them in a cocktail (or pressed juice smoothie) to take the pressure off. If they want to experiment Fifty Shades style, by all means go rogue, but be safe. Next time, you get to choose.

Communicate Considerately. Long time marrieds have a tendency to address their significant other in the same way they address their children when they are harried or upset. Your delivery doesn't have to be as formal as Lady or Lord Grantham's, however, speaking in a softer tone of voice, being selective with your choice of words, and daring to put a smile on your face can change the atmosphere in the room to a more positive one, almost immediately.

After many years together, you may be looking for some marriage validation. Great news! The book, Love Illuminated, by Daniel Jones, editor of the NYT's "Modern Love" column brings it. I haven't read it yet, but apparently after reading hundreds of thousands of email submissions from readers searching for love, he has found that most everyone is looking for the same thing - marriage and a committed relationship.  Happy Valentine's Day. ♥

Red Carpet Manners at the Primetime Emmy’s 2012 - A Bit of Humor & A Hassle-Free Host

This year my Primetime Emmy experience began up-close and personal the night before at the annual “Evening Before” party to benefit the Motion Picture Television Fund.  Literally everyone from television was in attendance and I have to say looking quite fabulous in their casual chic attire.  A veritable who’s who of TV’s biggest celebrities mingled while noshing on food and sipping libations from Wolfgang Puck’s menu of selections.  Smiles, hugs, handshakes and good humor were on tap with cast members ranging from Glee and Girls to Mad Men and Modern Family chatting and wishing one another the best of luck.  Popular performance artists, Gil and Jill Bumby a/k/a the Bumbys, were on hand to give “fair and honest appraisals” of one’s appearance as celebs and regular folk lined up inside the Essie nail polish tent to obtain their readings.  (I have to admit I got sucked into this, but was happy to receive a 9.4 out of 10 on my style and will say that their written assessment was spot on!). 

What struck me the most was how much better everyone looked in person and how much smaller everyone is in real life!!  The camera really does add pounds and inches!  I was also surprised at how late everyone partied knowing they’d have to get up early, look rested, and do it all again the next day.

On Emmy night, the heat turned up literally and figuratively.  Stylists dressed their stars in this season’s hottest colors while they struggled not to sweat in the blistering heat.  On the red carpet, the ladies hit home runs outfitted in shades of grey, burgundy, blue and yellow.  My heart went out to the number of men who must have been sweating bullets in their Brooks Brothers Black Fleece label suits. 

Although it was Jane Lynch who hosted the previous year, the pressure was on for Jimmy Kimmel to perform and to perhaps try to top the other Jimmy (Fallon) who seemed to have so much fun hosting in 2010.  All in all, I think he did a pretty decent job delivering a hassle-free and humorous show.  Here is our red carpet manners recap on some of the night’s most noticeable hits and misses.

Style on Steroids – Okay, I love fashion as much as the next gal, but the gratuitous plugs for the designers are beginning to take the emphasis away from the celebrities actually wearing them!  Having to sit through the mispronunciations of the names and the laundry list of mentions from shoes, to jewelry to handbags has made the whole red carpet experience seem a bit vacuous.  E! has jumped on the bandwagon in a big way displaying their ginormous 360 Glam Cam, their Stiletto Cam, and now the debut of their Mani Cam (giving props to all the fashionable nails).  Yes, we know everyone is dying to see a close up shot of Kat Dennings’ cleavage and Sophia Vergara’s backside in circular motion, but I think I’m officially over it.  To me, it was much more interesting to see one of entertainment’s married royal couples, Leslie Mann and Judd Apatow, take to the cam for a traditional dip.  To me, that is true Hollywood glamour.

Combustible Busts – While we’re on the topic of bosoms. We simply cannot ignore the voluptuous Two Broke Girls Kat Dennings and Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks who both chose to emphasize their  G-d given gifts with figure hugging dresses that were conversation topics all to themselves.  Kat Dennings openly admitted to E! that she decided to flaunt them because “no matter what I do, they are there!”  She also confessed that her posture may be less than perfect as she favors the hunched over position which is better for keeping “the girls” inside the dress where they belong!   

A Hassle Free, Humorous Host – After sitting through two hours of red carpet arrivals, we caught a first glimpse of our host, Jimmy Kimmel.  The opening sequence for the Emmy’s involved him crying in a bathroom stall over a botched Botox session in an absolutely hysterical, if not irreverent, look at the double-standard females face to appear eternally young in the eyes of the media.  The pre-taped skit included TV’s funniest female nominees taking swings at Kimmel to help punch his features back into their original position.  Once he had everything back in the right place, a very fit and dapper looking Kimmel took the stage.  Although he seemed a tad nervous at first, rushing his lines without pausing for reaction, he quickly settled in for some truly funny and poignant jokes.  My favorites were the ones where he poked fun at the actors themselves speaking candidly about their most difficult roles when they have to play “an actor who is happy for the success of another actor.” When he addressed the audience directly assuring them that the show would end on time so they could go home and put on their “fat pants” was perfection!  There were no major offenses or risky behaviors a la Ricky Gervais to mention, only a prank that involved Tracy Morgan pretending to pass out on stage which fell short. Another attempt where his parents were escorted out of the audience for lying to him was more well-received.

Acceptance Speech Gone Awry – Our apologies in advance, Julie Bowen, but we have to make mention of your acceptance speech which had one too many mentions of “pesky nipple covers” for our liking. Picking up her consecutive second win for Outstanding Supporting Actress in the hit comedy, Modern Family, the striking vision in yellow seemed to struggle to be witty and went seriously south in her speech detailing what life on a TV set is really like underneath the clothing and makeup. 

Staples, Surprises & Spouses – Most everyone was expecting to see the list of staple winners and losers on Emmy night, but there were still a few surprises including the multiple wins for under-the-radar favorite, Louis C.K. and statues going to Jon Cryer for the first time as Outstanding Lead Actor and Julia Louis-Dreyfus who won for Lead Actress in Veep. Out of their 17 noms, not one award went to Mad Men.  Instead, the many awards went to new darling, Homeland which at last put Showtime on the map in the drama category beating out longtime competitor HBO.  On a separate note, one of the things we noticed in many of the speeches on Emmy night, was the showering of accolades to the countless spouses and partners of all the winners who so graciously remembered to thank their significant others for their unwavering support and love.  How sweet! 

Manners Monday – When Tragedy Strikes – How to Share with Your Children?

Last Friday’s movie theater massacre in Aurora, Colorado was a tragic reminder for parents that no matter how hard we try to protect our children, it is virtually impossible to shield them from all danger. We live in an uncertain world where the behavior of others is often unpredictable.  The only thing we truly have control over is our own actions and reactions. 

So how do those of us who are watching the television and reading the media headlines respond when our children catch us emotionally enraptured by the latest story developments?  How should we explain what happened? What is appropriate for our children’s ears? What is better left unsaid?  And, what can they learn for the future?

However we decide to explain the tragedy to our children, one thing must remain clear and that is that we deliver our message in a responsible manner with the utmost sensitivity and respect for the families who are experiencing the loss firsthand.

Ø  Let your tone convey the gravity of the situation.  Children know very well by their parent’s tone of voice whether a particular subject is to be taken seriously.  When tragedy strikes, parents should be calm and reassuring while they explain the situation in practical terms with only pertinent facts included. 

Ø  Keep it age appropriate and in perspective.  Youngest children should receive this information on a need-to-know basis only and using very simple words. Older children may be privy to more detail, but with limitations, as we still don’t want to scare them unnecessarily. Be mindful of the media and make sure children do not have unlimited access.

Ø  Teach your children to empathize.  A tragedy of this magnitude offers our children the ability to learn how to sympathize with another person’s situation, and to offer understanding and compassion. Children need to exercise their empathy muscle so that when a situation arises they will know how to genuinely show their support.

Ø  Use the tragedy to strengthen survival skills.  There is always a lesson to be learned from tragedy, and as painful as it is to discuss, children must gain wisdom from the experience.  In this particular situation, it is a lesson to teach our children to always be conscious of their surroundings, to heighten their awareness of others, and to notice and identify suspicious behavior.  These skills may just wind up saving their lives someday. 

    If you happened to miss the live courtroom newsfeed this morning as the 24 year old defendant, James Holmes, received his first words from the judge, here is the clip  http://tinyurl.com/d97438l. It is strikingly evident from this footage that the young man is deeply troubled. 

Manners Monday - National Etiquette Week 2012

This week marks the annual weeklong dedication to etiquette in all areas of American life and it couldn’t have arrived a moment sooner.  In an age where people are rushing, pushing and shoving to get ahead and everyone is expected to keep a breakneck pace to accomplish the umpteen thousand tasks set for each day, it is rare that an individual will stop, take a breath and puts themselves second in favor of their fellow woman or man.  Compound this with the invention of new technologies that further distance us and a nation that fancies electronic communication over face-to-face conversation and we are headed down an eroding and oblivious path to our own self-destruction.

Not a day goes by when someone somewhere is not angered, frustrated, upset, ticked-off, saddened, silenced, or annoyed by someone else’s insensitive, inconsiderate, uncaring, indifferent or inappropriate remarks.  People are pissing each other off right and left and placing blame without taking responsibility for their own actions and wrongdoings.  

It’s not likely we’ll be emulating our role models in politics, entertainment or sports anytime soon as they are often some of the worst offenders. You can't turn your head without hearing about a crooked politician who fell from grace, a loud-mouth entertainer who tweeted something blasphemous or a sports figure who resorted to physical violence when words didn't seem to cut it.

So where are we to turn and how are we going to take the necessary steps to make a change?  How can we stop being annoyed and defensive with others and apply more civility and politesse into our everyday lives?  How can we learn to restrain ourselves when standing in the face of the most frustrating of circumstances?  

I think it all begins with raising our consciousness level and collectively deciding to slow down so that we may begin incorporating these small considerations into our daily interactions.  With a big dose of commitment and a little bit of practice, we should be able to make a small adjustment for the better.

To test the waters and gauge where we are thus far, we have come up with a survey of questions to see what triggers us, how we respond to others and which areas need more paying attention to in the future.  Please visit our National Etiquette Week survey here http://survey.constantcontact.com/survey/a07e5wdgylhh1wkkper/start and let’s begin the conversation.  

Have a burning survey question you would like to add, feel free to send it in along with a multiple choice of answers, we'd love to hear what's on your mind!  

Manners Monday - Longing for the Days of the Grapevine

Anyone who's experienced carpal tunnel from tapping through an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend's photos on Facebook knows firsthand the "Don't Tell Me, I Don't Want to Know" syndrome recently uncovered in an article in the New York Times. Back in the day before social networking, one had to hear the gory details of what was going down with one's ex through the good ‘ole grapevine, the only resource for reliable information. There were no visuals to peruse unless you paid a private investigator to take the photos for you. If you wanted to know what your ex was up to, you had to do your own private investigating and reach out to your own personal network.

Nowadays technology has made us privy to the most inane and intimate details of our loved ones (both current and ex) and friends, even those we barely know, and it is getting out of hand, not to mention a little creepy.  Knowing when to pull in the reins is becoming increasingly more difficult as the lure of voyeurism takes hold and we just can’t break away until we see one more photo of our frenemy at the fabulous party that we weren’t invited to. 

With too much information available at our fingertips, it can oftentimes feel debilitating.  If you find yourself stuck in the muck and in need of a little help navigating your way out, we have a few options to offer you.  Trust us, it is possible to chart a new course and keep yourself poised in the process.

Stop torturing yourself.  If you are feeling low, a bit self-conscious and insecure, do not start fiddling through your Facebook or any other social media site du jour.  It is inevitable that you will eventually come across someone or something that will stick in your craw and may make you feel inferior, and who needs that?  Just the thought of your girlfriends out on the town while you’re at home in bed with your cat might send you over the edge. Ignorance is bliss so stop torturing yourself and put a self-ban on your technology (at least until you feel you are in a better place).

Show some restraint.  If a colleague at work is posting a play-by-play on the ingrown hair he had removed from his back at the dermatologist, resist the urge to patronize him with your remarks of disgust for all the world to see. Remember everyone is able to read your thoughts and sometimes things are just better left unsaid, especially when it comes to keeping the peace at our workplace. Rather than putting in your two cents, keep your comments to yourself and just focus on getting the visual out of your head.

Find a hobby.  If you discover that your high school buddies are organizing a reunion without you, do not allow yourself to wallow in self-pity.  Step away from the computer and set the restart button on your life.  Find a hobby that takes all of your attention so that when reunion time approaches, you could care less because you are busy preparing for your solo gig at the House of Blues with the guitar you just learned how to play.  This will not only make you feel better it offers you an alternative career to fall back on.

Throw an occasional bone.  Those that post incessantly on social networking sites do so to be heard and validated.  While you're busy tooling around their Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest pages, take a moment to add a pleasant comment every now and again. After all, we are only human and we all want to feel that our lives are fabulous and fulfilling.  A genuine complement that is from the heart is all that is needed to make someone’s day.

Don’t believe the hype.  Not everything we see and read on social networking sites should be taken at face value. Sure there may be a friend who is particularly tight with Gwyneth Paltrow and is photographed with her having lunch, or perhaps there is a colleague at work who was invited to a State dinner you would have killed to attend, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else is living a more rich and satisfying life and you should go bury your head in the ground.  It simply means they are naturally talented at crafting their own PR and have carefully decided how they wish to be viewed online and that’s all.  Try not to give it any credence Clarence.

Manners Monday – “How to Survive Valentine’s Day as a Single”

Not everyone is perfectly paired off for Valentine’s Day. Once upon a time, I’m sure even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie experienced a lonely night or two when the fateful holiday came around and there was no special person waiting for them in the wings. Valentine’s Day can be a tough holiday for a singleton and we’re not gonna sugar coat it by telling you to keep your chin up and put down the tub of chocolate ice cream you have been devouring with a shovel. Instead, we are going to politely point our finger at you and say, snap out of it sista!  

Trust us, it is a thousand times more pleasant to hang by yourself or with a friend than to grin and bear it with a male stand-in just to save yourself from being alone. For goodness' sake, don’t beat yourself up either! Better to embrace the holiday and use it as an opportunity to spend some quality time taking care of you.  After all, a thousand self-help books will confirm that you must love and accept yourself first in order to truly love and accept another. 

On the bright side, it’s not like the perfectly paired off couples are in a constant state of bliss.  They too have their share of real problems, even on Valentine’s Day. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take a look at our five inventive ways for reclaiming your self-confidence to ensure you come out of this holiday, not only with your dignity intact, but smelling like a rose.

1.  1. Be a Good Friend. There is nothing like a good female bonding session with your single friends on Valentine’s Day. Although it may seem last minute, play hostess to your girlfriends and invite them to a party at your place complete with mood music, scrumptious food and chick flicks. Purchase some decadent chocolates and French champagne to celebrate your singlehood and the value of supportive friends.

2. Raise Your Glass. Put on an eye-catching dress and head out for an evening on the town.  Arrange to meet a single friend at a nice bar where the two of you can share a toast to your fabulous selves.  Now that you’re relaxed and feeling good, test out your meet and greet skills by introducing yourself to a few new people. Engage in conversation and be sure to listen.  You never know who may be sitting beside you.  A future boss, companion, friend?  

3. Pamper Yourself.  Arrange an evening of pampering so that you feel your absolute best. Treat yourself to a blow dry at DryBar, take in a makeup lesson at Neiman’s, make a massage appointment at a spa, splurge on a mani/pedi including the paraffin wax for extra softness for your skin. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to take a class on painting or sculpture? Whatever your fancy, live it up because you certainly deserve it!

4. Do Some Soul Searching. Make this night all about you and a deep soul searching of what you want out of life.  We’re not telling you to stroll through the bookstore for the latest self-help book, instead we’re telling you to respect yourself and take action.  Grab some magazines and glue and begin creating a vision board, start journaling, write a love letter to yourself citing all of your positive attributes or do some mindful meditation.  Any one of these exercises is guaranteed to make you feel more confident and content come morning.

5. Break Out of Your Comfort Zone. In order to be a person of the world, you have to take risks. Use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to be adventurous and book an impromptu trip!  Take a drive in the car, hop on a plane, make arrangements to get out of town and take in a new environment.  If you don’t feel brave enough to go it alone, visit a distant friend or relative. Either way, the change of atmosphere will do you good.  When we open our minds, our hearts soon follow.

If you are down in the dumps, just Google Valentine's Day television episodes. I guarantee you'll find levity in the hundreds of sitcoms dedicated to a night of high expectations that went horribly awry.  

Manners Monday – “Dressing Appropriately for the Occasion & Beyond”

My daughters are eight and ten and they are slowly beginning to grasp the concept of dressing appropriately for the occasion.  After years of hearing me rant and rave when they attempt to leave the house in shorts and a t-shirt in the dead of winter or wear a miniskirt that exposes too much leg to a birthday party, they are finally beginning to listen.

Dressing should be equal parts common sense and individual style.  I think if you have one without the other, you get into trouble.  One should be able to determine when to throw on a scarf to keep warm and when to go easy on the cleavage to avoid becoming a distraction.  It is also imperative to learn how to dress for your particular frame.  Fashion stylists drill this rule into our heads and it is truly the first step to consider when dressing appropriately for any occasion.

This issue of what is appropriate and when to wear it has been popping up on our radar with more regularity. Most recently, we have been working with our clients going into their closets to streamline their wardrobes and establish which key classic pieces to add and our work has not been limited to just the United States, as I was recently contacted by a young women in the Philippines eager to learn what outfit to select for the woman on-the-go. 

You may not love Posh personally, but you gotta give it to the gal, she sure knows how to dress.  She rocks a drop-dead figure, but she never crosses the line of indecency.  She is always fashionable and polished looking and strikes a careful balance of makeup and accessories to enhance every look.  Whether you are an ideal size zero or a more realistic size six, heading to a job interview or dressing for a night out on the town, our guidelines below will ensure you avoid any missteps in the wardrobe department.

For Success. The perfect suit can land you the perfect job and the office is the number one place to err on the side of formal.  Go with something that has classic lines and choose a neutral color such as black, navy, brown, grey or beige. It can be a skirt suit, pant suit or dress suit. You can add a bit of color with your blouse, some accessories or a scarf.  The only time you can get away with dressing down is if you are interviewing with an Internet company and you are convinced that their corporate culture is casual.

To Impress.  When courting someone, we always want to make sure we are presenting our best self, not our best slutty self.  It is much more alluring to leave a few things for the imagination, so don’t feel you need to bare all.  Your hidden assets are best kept hidden.  A stylish dress paired with elegant heels that enhance the leg or a dark pair of jeans, a cute top and classic blazer are looks that can take you anywhere.  Less is definitely more, especially on the first date.

For Comfort. Rather than reaching for the washed out raggedy yoga paints and faded comfy tee. Invest in relaxing attire that you could wear not only to yoga, but to breakfast afterwards. You don’t have to break the bank by buying Lululemon, although they are a personal favorite, Target offers a similarly trendy selection. Purchase a pair of black (because they look the most slimming) stretch pants and pair it with a colorful tank and zip up jacket and you’ll be ready to go.

For Weather.  There are certain items that every girl must have in her arsenal.  A few scarves, a pair of gloves, a couple of hats (one for the beach and one for the snow), a nice trench coat for rain and a nice ¾ length coat for cold weather. I am a coat fanatic so I actually have plenty of coats on hand for all occasions.  When it comes to weather, it’s quite simple, dress accordingly. When it’s cold, put on a sweater, take a scarf and coat to keep warm. When it’s warm out, wear lighter clothing that breathes so that you are not sweating threw your silk blouse. Not a good look on a lady by the way.

Based on Age.  There is a company called Not Your Daughter’s Jeans for a reason. Moms, it just doesn’t look right to have your butt crack showing on the preschool playground.  Madonna may have gotten away with sporting black leather over-the-knee boots in her 50’s, but that was for Super Bowl, this is not what a 50+ year old should be wearing in real life! You can still look smart and totally put together dressing for your age.  In fact, you may even look more chic than you did in your 30’s. The key again here is classic lines with good tailoring. The more tailored an item of clothing is, the better it will fit on your frame.

The bottom line with dressing is that we want our outer beauty to reflect our inner attributes and paying attention to wardrobe selection helps to communicate the right message.  For an easy to comprehend list of wardrobe staples every woman cannot afford to live without, read here http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/wardrobe-staples-women-must-have-among-their-clot0.html and then run, don’t walk to the stores!

Manners Monday - Top 5 Manners Makeover Tips for 2012

It happens the same time every year, the last week of December arrives and looming thoughts of how we are going to approach the next 365 days begins to consume our minds.  How can we initiate a better exercise regimen to take off those extra ten pounds?  How do we alleviate ourselves of that unwanted debt to put money aside for our future?  How can we administrate our time more effectively so that we’re not so stressed and overwhelmed day in and day out? These and other weighty questions take up residence in our brain as we prepare to usher in 2012. 

Resolutions, as they are popularly known, are a great inspiration for lighting a fire under our behinds and starting the New Year off on the right foot.  While we know how important it is to take stock of our health and finances (and certainly our stress!), we of course believe there is always extra room for improvement in the manners department.  So while you’re on the treadmill dreaming up ways to save money and manage your time, we encourage you to test out our top 5 Manners Makeover tips over the course of the next twelve months. We promise, you’ll be happy you did!

#1 Be mindful of your digital footprint.  Over the last year, we witnessed many a celebrity who had fallen from grace because of a very unfortunate electronic posting via Twitter or other form of new technology. As we have been conditioned to be conscious of our carbon footprint in the past, it’s time to get serious in the New Year about our digital footprint.  Make sure to think twice before typing your deepest darkest thoughts or posting a questionable photo. If you feel like sharing, better to do it in person. You’ll be less likely to regret it in the morning.

#2 Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.  In an age where celebrity is king and privilege is the norm, in the New Year, it is much more becoming to be gracious and humble than entitled.  If an act of kindness is extended, a gift is given or an offer is presented, don’t blow the gesture by acting foolishly.  Instead, show your appreciation by being respectful, grateful and enthusiastic.  This is guaranteed to bring more rewards in the future.

#3 Brush up on current events.  We are heading into a big year, election year.  Although, we do not want to jam our political positions down anyone’s throat, it is important to keep abreast of what is happening in the world, not only to be able to make interesting party conversation, but also to be more mindful so that we don’t just roll thoughts off the cuff and get ourselves into trouble.  In the New Year, it is much better to engage in intelligent dialogue than to speak without consideration.

#4 Resolve to be more tolerant.   We are living in a globalized society where it is more necessary now than ever to show tolerance in our daily interactions whether they be in the workplace, our neighborhoods or our communities at large.  In the New Year, we are guaranteed to experience a more peaceful existence if we take the time to be more understanding of others regardless if their opinions, beliefs or backgrounds are similar to our own.  After all, it is our differences and uniqueness that truly make us interesting.

#5 Favor quality over quantity.  The British royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton was the epitome of elegance and class and truly set a benchmark for America and the rest of the world.  With all the power at their disposal, it continues to be their grace, humility and charity that shines through. In the New Year, rather than emulate the latest reality television star, it may be wise to be more selective with our role models.  The days of mindless mass consumption have faded, it’s time to put our energies towards more meaningful pursuits. 

Now that we've shared with you our top 5 manners makeover tips for 2012, we want to remind you that there are certain manners that shall forever remain timeless and should never be made over.  (1) Treat others the way you would like to be treated. (2) Send a handwritten thank you note for any act of kindness or for a gift. (3) Offer to lend a helping hand to those who are ill or in need of assistance. (4) Never show up to someone’s home empty-handed. (5) Remember the magic words and you'll always be in good standing: please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me and I’m sorry.

Happy New Year!!

Manners Monday - Best & Worst Manners Moments of 2011

As we wind down 2011 and prepare to usher in a new year, we have been busy meticulously compiling our best and worst manners moments of the last twelve months. As with previous years, unfortunately we have seen a tipping of the scales toward the ill-mannered with an abundance of this year’s entries falling onto our worst category.  There have been several recurring themes whether it be a philandering politician, a volatile celebrity, a cantankerous sports figure or the omnipotent press. 

Are we surprised by all of this bad behavior?  Not really.  As our world has become smaller and more complex, our propensity for validation, instant gratification and notoriety has increased.  What is truly astonishing is how these public figures continuously believe that their actions and words will have no effect on those around them.  Equally amazing is the entitlement issue these figures seem to have, once they are in a position of power, that there will be no real repercussions for their transgressions. 

It’s not that we expect them to live under the constant scrutiny of a microscope with no room for error for this is virtually impossible.  What we do expect from these figures, however, is some modicum of decorum, a bit of common sense and hopefully a little truthfulness and respect to boot.  We would appreciate a public figure to act like one and to temper their personal desires, to refrain from sharing their innermost thoughts and perhaps remain a tad humble in the process.  Is this too much to ask for?  Apparently so, based on this year’s list of offenders. While we have a great deal of members on our worst list, there are still many notable figures who made our best list and are worthy of a most honorable mention.  Here they are in no particular order below.

WORST The womanizing politicians who were living a little too footloose and fancy free. An ashamed Anthony Weiner and Arnold Schwarzenegger may have been apologetic for their inappropriate behavior, but it wasn’t enough to erase the memory of their sexual indiscretions. Herman Cain, who appeared less apologetic and almost defiant in defending his own sexual allegations, has also suffered the consequences of a political career turned sour due to a lack of self-control.

BEST “The Good Wives” for maintaining grace in the face of humiliation. The shame that Maria Shriver and Huma Abedin, two high-ranking professionals in their own right, had to endure was astounding.  Rather than bash their philandering husbands in public, the amazingly strong women kept their personal lives private and conducted themselves with unwavering poise and dignity.

WORST Brett Ratner for looking a gift horse in the mouth.  After being hand-delivered a rare opportunity to direct the 2012 Oscars (because the Academy was looking for a younger hipper director to draw in younger hipper audiences), an arrogant, Brett Ratner, lost all sense of self-censorship spewing anti-gay remarks and flaunting his sexual prowess. The Academy, who was not humored, politely asked him to step down and replaced him with a more seasoned Brian Grazer.  Eddie Murphy, who was hand-selected by Brett Ratner also makes our worst list for not following through on his commitment.  Although, Brett Ratner would no longer be directing, Eddie Murphy should have retained his position as host.  After suffering a bumpy career, the hosting gig might’ve been just the right anecdote to resuscitate his career. 

BEST Billy Crystal for stepping up and restoring civility and class as the replacement host of the 84^th Academy Awards ceremony.  With his congenial charm and approachable smile, he will entertain us with his quit wit and humorous banter.  Billy Crystal has been an Oscar host favorite reporting for duty eight times in the past (this will be his ninth).  He is best known for his pre-recorded film montages that poke fun at the year’s top nominated films. This should be familiar territory for him and a very welcome reception from audiences around the world.

WORST Madonna for insulting a thoughtful fan who presented her with a bouquet of Hydrangeas.  Apparently, the pop superstar absolutely loathes the beautiful flower and made this known at a press conference at the Venice Film Festival earlier this year.  The unfortunate incident was caught on camera and circulated the web like wildfire.  As they say, there is no such thing as bad publicity and perhaps this unscripted performance lead to her upcoming gig as the Super Bowl XLVI Halftime performer this year in Indianapolis. Better make sure they don’t accidentally line the stage with the flowers!

BEST Celebrities who are able to transform themselves for the better. Lady Gaga has done a 180 appearing in less outrageous attire and blossoming into an elegant songstress and entertainer this year. Acting as both producer and director of “A Very Gaga Thanksgiving” for ABC, Lady Gaga came across as a poised, patriotic performer who seamlessly mixed solid singing performances with cooking segments and even a moving interview with Katie Couric.  The pop icon has taken charity to a new level introducing the Born This Way Foundation she started with her mother dedicated to empowering youth and inspiring bravery. 

WORST Entitled adult celebrities who act like children.  Charlie Sheen takes the cake in this category for publicly biting the hand that feeds him. The blatantly disrespectful, anti-Semitic remarks spewed towards showrunner, Chuck Lorre, were the last straw in a line of acts that ended his long-standing role on the hit show “Two and a Half Men.”  This category wouldn’t be complete without a nod to Chris Brown for punching his fist through a window at a Good Morning America appearance, Patti LaBelle for giving new meaning to a “new attitude” as she yelled and threw water at a innocent toddler who was in her way, Snooki for spacing out and crashing into a police car in Italy and let’s not forget Miss Lindsay Lohan for her court-ordered stints at the morgue and continuing her downward spiral by agreeing to pose for Playboy.  Donald Trump for questioning the authenticity of President Obama's birth certificate. It takes a lot of chutzpah to stand on a soap box and make it your mission to bring down the President of the United States over a piece of paper.

WORST Celebs who think airline rules are only for civilians.  This summer Girard Depardieu apparently couldn’t hold it in any longer.  When the crew of the Air France airline told him to stay in his seat until takeoff, the legendary French actor had other plans and, to the astonishment of everyone, decided to perform the act right in the middle of the cabin!  More recently, American actor Alec Baldwin was booted off an American Airlines flight for refusing to turn off his iPad while he was in the middle of playing a popular electronic game “Words with Friends.”  The actor felt it was not necessary to turn off the machine since the aircraft was not in flight. Not only did he act belligerent, but he then buried himself even further in turmoil by tweeting about the incident and badmouthing American Airlines in the Twitterverse for all the world to see!  

BEST Celebrities Kate Winslet and George Clooney are at the top of our list for heroic acts of bravery and maintaining a positive image in the public eye.  Kate Winslet, who was houseguesting at Sir Richard Branson’s Caribbean home when a fire broke out, ceremoniously carried and rescued his 90 year old mother out of the flames and away to safety. George Clooney deserves a spot on our list. Whether he’s stepping out on the red carpet here in Tinseltown or volunteering his time to a third-world country in need, the debonair actor consistently keeps his squeaky clean, all around good guy persona intact.  His run of good films this year with “The Ides of March” and “The Descendants” certainly helps. Aussie gentleman, Hugh Jackman, receives a well-deserved nod this year.  His “Back on Broadway” show is a massive hit and he helped raise $1 million for Broadway Cares. He is consistently gracious and kind towards all those he comes in contact with and his talent is equally matched by his good nature. 

                                                                                                                               

 

WORST  Over-the-top weddings. The nuptials of Kim Kardashian and her bridegroom Kris Humphries served as nothing more than a colossal distraction and resulted in a huge downfall tarnishing both of their careers and portraying them in a very unflattering way.  With questions over whether to return the hundreds of gifts, the engagement ring or the money to produce the event, the 72 day marriage that abruptly ended after Kris was caught receiving lap dances from two different girls, damaged more than just their egos.

BEST Betrothed couples who behave like nobles.  Kate Middleton and Prince William displayed impeccable elegance and refinement at this year’s most important royal wedding.  Benevolent, charitable, presentable, almost perfect, the enviable Prince and Princess of Wales are certainly role models worth emulating. 

WORST Sports figures and sports fans that lose their cool.  Whether it’s two NFL coaches letting their emotions get the best of them when going in for a congratulatory handshake at the end of a game or an aggressive player shoving and then stomping on an opposing team members arm in the heat of the moment, or a crowd of fans at a NASCAR race in Florida booing First Lady Michelle Obama and Jill Biden who were there to support a charitable cause dedicated to the hiring of veterans just because they didn’t agree with their political party, the sports world has become a den of incivility. The horrific displays of poor sportsmanship by coaches, players and fans has reached epic proportions.  Our worst list must also mention sports legends who turn their backs on those in need. Joe Paterno’s prolific career at Penn State will forever be marred by the stain of lies and betrayal towards the children and families who trusted him.

WORST Media empires that break the rules and cross the line.  Rupert Murdoch’s, precious News Corp threatened dismantling over a wire-tapping scandal that involved reporters of its’ British tabloid paper, News of the World.  The serious allegations involved hacking into the cellphones of various celebrities, politicians, crime and military victims all to obtain exclusive stories ahead of the competition. The illegal conduct resulted in the closing of its doors after 168 years as Britain’s biggest selling newspaper. 

WORST Twitter etiquette blunders.  The Twitter master himself, Ashton Kutcher, suffered the wrath of his own demise and not for cheating on wife, Demi Moore, but for his ignorance in defending Joe Paterno in the Penn State sexual abuse scandal.  Without having all the facts, he flippantly typed his support for the coach which led to a watershed of backlash from followers everywhere.  Gilbert Gottfried also learned the hard way that what you say, even if it is only 140 characters, matters.  The comedian who has been doing commercials for AFLAC for over a decade was fired after tweeting a bunch of jokes over Twitter about the Japanese earthquake. 

Wow, this year certainly provided us with good fodder for our best and worst list. Anyone else you’d like to add?  Please share with us. We’d love to hear from you!!