At Super Bowl Fifty-One: Forget the Game, All Eyes are On Gaga

Preparing for Super Bowl takes the competition to a whole other level.  Over 110 million people are parked in front of their big screens to watch the spectacle worldwide. Commercials cost as much as $5M for as little as 30 seconds of air time. It is the second-largest day for food consumption only to Thanksgiving.  Americans slug over 325 million gallons of beer and don’t even get me started on the amount of guacamole and chicken wings that are downed for the big day. 

This year Bill Belichick has brought his New England Patriots back to Super Bowl LI for the 9th time a potential 5^th win to play the Atlanta Falcons who haven't been invited back since they lost to the Denver Broncos in 1999.  An estimated $4.7 billion will be bet on today’s game.

While throngs of fans are lined up to watch football, I am gearing up for Gaga.  I'll be on the edge of my seat come Half-Time waiting with anticipation over what color hair she'll don, how many revealing outfits she'll wear, will she appear as her alter ego Joanne complete with a cowboy hat or as Gaga circa 2009 when her career first took off?  And, most importantly, whether she'll use the stage to chastise our 45th President creating, even more, divisiveness or will she take the high road and use this incredible platform as an opportunity to bring Americans together.  The jury is out, but we are the judge.  So today as you get ready to cheer on your favorite team while consuming massive amounts of food and guzzling unimaginable quantities of beverages, remember to stay mindful of those around you.  The NFL players aren’t the only ones being held under a microscope, don’t be mistaken, your nearest and dearest are holding a close lens on you too.  Before stepping foot out the door, here's how to best mind your manners this Super Bowl Sunday.

Arrive on Time and Bearing Gifts.  Official start time isn’t until 3:30pm Pacific, but many parties will begin well beforehand.  Whatever you do, plan your arrival before kickoff so hosts will not feel compelled to welcome you and interrupt their viewing. Do not show up empty-handed. BYOB (the good stuff please!) or break out your stellar 7-layer dip recipe and you’ll be the life of the party.

Keep it Friendly.  Sunday is a family day so children are typically in tow.  Keep the atmosphere friendly and comfortable for everyone.  Reserve the foul language for the street when you’re walking to your car at the end of the game and monitor your alcohol intake so you don’t embarrass yourself and regret your behavior the next day.  

Acknowledge the National Anthem.  The moment you hear the music play and hear Luke Bryan hit his first note, it’s time to stand up straight, remove all head coverings, and place your hand firmly on your heart.  We stop and do this simply as a sign of respect.  All conversation should cease, but singing is encouraged right along with Ms. Gaga until the very last word is sung. 

Pay Deference to the Screen. Super Bowl fans want sufficient screen time, but there are always those who are more interested in making conversation than watching the game.  If there are multiple screens, station yourself in the room where you'll cause the least disruption. If you can’t find a seat or feel compelled to stand and shout for your team, just make sure that those behind can still see the game. And for goodness' sake, no giant hats or wild accessories that will prohibit the view.

Stay on Topic. On Super Bowl Sunday, the dialogue should be on the game. Know your facts beforehand so you are well-versed in the teams that are playing and the host city.  Learn the vernacular, know the difference between a touchdown and a field goal.  You want to be able to bond and converse with everyone.  This is not the time to bring up a serious conversation, mention a grave illness or ask for a job.  Super Bowl Sunday is supposed to be fun. Keep the tone light and breezy and pay attention to the ball.  Here’s a complete glossary to everything you could possibly want to know for game day terminology.

Avoid Being the Know-It-All.  You may be the type of person who thrives on knowing every minute detail about the two football teams, the players and the Tom Brady controversy. And you may enjoy spending hours researching the commercials that will be shown during the game, but that information is best kept to yourself. Today is not the day to sit on your soapbox espousing your knowledge. A know-it-all is a big turn off. 

Display Good Sportsmanship.  Wearing your team's jersey’s and caps, painting your body to show your support, showing the love by cheering them on is all perfectly fine.  What will not fly on Super Bowl Sunday is shouting expletives at the television screen when your team misses the field goal or picking a fight with your neighbor because he did a victory dance for a touchdown for your opposing team. Remember you are not playing in the game, you are just a fan.  Don’t make it personal.

Don’t Bet the Farm.  There are more Super Bowl pools than I care to imagine.  Know your limits.  If you’re an out of control gambler, designate the set amount for your bet before you leave the house so that you cannot be coerced into contributing more than you can afford.  There are plenty of pools to choose from and not all require a $500 ante.  You certainly don’t want to dip into your child’s college fund for a silly square on the football grid.

Absolutely No Double-Dipping.  As George made infinitely famous on Seinfeld, if you take a chip, you get only one dip and then end it! Rather than risk a lecture from the double-dip police, place a handful of chips on a napkin or small plate then use one large chip to scoop extra dip that you can then enjoy with the remaining chips.

Avoid Cutsies at Buffet Line.  Inevitably, there will be one coveted line with the short rib pizza or the crispy rice sushi that everyone is going to flock to. Whatever you do, please wait patiently for your turn. If you see friends further up, resist the urge to move even if they are waving you in with permission. It’s not their call and the others behind you will be most appreciative.

Leave No Trace Behind.  Be a good guest and clean up after your mess.  All those beef rib bones, leftover cold nachos, and ketchup-soaked napkins aren’t going to deposit themselves. Before making your way to partake in more witty repartee, do a complete 360 and leave no trace of trash behind. 

Compliment the Chef.  Super Bowl Sunday is the second most popular eating day after Thanksgiving and food plays a major part in the enjoyment.  Hosts spend weeks preparing the special menu of finger foods typically based around the two playing teams hometown favorites. A compliment to the chef lets them know they satisfied your every need.

You Gotta Give Thanks. Of course, it goes without mentioning to make sure you thank the host before you leave and follow up with a nice handwritten thank you note the following day.  Your graciousness will not go unnoticed.

On a final note today, please watch out for taboo topics.  We are still fresh off the swearing in which took place a mere two weeks ago and many are stick licking their wounds on both sides of the aisle.  While everyone has a right to their opinion, it doesn't give us license to shove that opinion down another person's throat. If you don't have something nice to say, keep it to yourself. Stay away from conversations that condemn Trump, hail Bernie Sanders, or defend Deflategate. Now go and enjoy the game!!

Manners Monday - Voting Day Etiquette on the Eve of the Election

Tuesday, November 8, 2016, will be remembered as Election Day for one of the most contentious Presidential races in American history. While the FBI's decision to close the case on Clinton's email controversy has provided her with a last minute boost and a Survey Monkey six-point lead, tomorrow is guaranteed to be a nail-biter nonetheless. Polls placing Clinton and Trump virtually neck-in-neck in some regions will have the citizens of this country clinging to their seats with anticipation until the official outcome arrives.  

Whether you love him or hate him, The Donald’s larger-than-life persona is largely responsible for the increase in voter registration and, has frankly, fueled new interest in the modern election process. The entertainment factor alone has garnered more viewership of the debates and round-the-clock commentary on every news network and Twitter feed known to man. Don't get me wrong, both campaigns have contributed an extraordinary amount of work to raising voter awareness which has resulted in the historic turnout of Latino and Asian-American voters and more people to the polls in general. 

But the tenor of our country has taken a turn for the worse.  From the beginning, the narrative of this election has been one of choosing the candidate you hate the least! Both are heavily flawed with critical issues of character coming into question, and when asked about the tone of the Presidential race, a recent survey revealed that eight in ten Americans were either disgusted or repulsed.

While you may not feel particularly jazzed about either Clinton or Trump, your vote matters more than ever. Exercise your right and make your voice heard. Forty-two million Americans voted early with record numbers in Florida, North Carolina, and Nevada, but the crucial states of New Hampshire and Ohio are still up for grabs.  If you've already cast your vote in California via absentee ballot like my husband and me, congratulations, you will avoid the craziness at the polls. However, if you prefer the tradition of heading to a local polling booth on Tuesday, we've compiled a list of voting day etiquette do’s and don’ts to ensure the process is smooth and drama-free. Lord knows, after more than eighteen months of this grueling campaign, we don't need no more stinking drama! Good luck everyone, may the best (wo)man win!!  

DO

• Go Early.  While most polls are open all day until 7:00pm, it's best to head to polling booths bright and early before going to work or beginning your day.  
• Bring ID. To prevent voter fraud, new laws may require an original birth certificate in addition to a driver’s license, school identification or another ID card.
• Honor Privacy.  With this race particularly heated, people are preferring to keep their personal choice mum.  Allow friends and family their vote without pressuring them to divulge whom they supporting.  
• Respect Volunteers. Polling place volunteers are regular people just like you and me. They have dedicated their valuable time, they are not getting paid, and are doing their best.  Be patient, kind, and polite.
• Take Reading Aids. This is not the day to forget your glasses. Reading the ballots is difficult, the type is very small.  It would be a shame to wait on a long line only to discover you couldn't decipher the ballot.

DON’T

• Electioneer.  A new amendment now prohibits people from wearing political buttons, hats, pins or T-shirts near polling places which are considered a campaign free zone. If you do so, you will be asked to remove the items or turn your tee shirt inside out. No campaign material that could influence other voters is allowed.
• Talk Politics. Don’t verbalize your thoughts about each candidate or whom you are voting for while waiting in line. It's nobody's business.
• Be Alarmed.  There may be police presence at polling booths. Officials expect emotions to be on high this Tuesday so they are taking precautionary measures by stationing law enforcement armed with guns to ensure the safety of all.
• Dawdle. Prepare ahead of time by familiarizing yourself with the ballot choices beforehand so you may be more efficient in the polling booth. Some places will let you take a pre-marked sample ballot into the booth so that you may simply copy your marks onto the official ballot saving oodles of time.
• Take a Selfie. Assume photos are a no-no, unless you receive express permission. Justin Timberlake learned this the hard way when the singer voted last month in his hometown of Memphis, Tennessee where voting selfies are considered illegal.

As if you need more incentive, there are a multitude of Election Day freebies to take advantage of and inspire you to get to the polls extra early.  Don't forget to proudly display your "I Voted" sticker. 

Manners Monday – Downton Abbey vs. The Donald – Goodbye Civility, Hello Chaos

I am truly sad. After six seasons, Sunday marked the end of an era here in the United States with the airing of the final episode of beloved PBS drama “Downton Abbey.” A show that held us to the highest standard and walked us through the beautiful lives of the British aristocracy has bid us adieu. It’s ironic that this critically acclaimed historical period masterpiece is leaving us at a time in our history when we need it most. We can no longer count on the Crawley family and their dutiful servants to lead us through a life of civility. Instead, we are faced with a climate filled with chaos particularly within our political process and led brazenly by Republican frontrunner, Donald Trump.  

As the owner of an etiquette consulting company, it has been exceptionally difficult to process the response Donald Trump has received from the masses. From the moment he threw his hat into the ring it’s been an endless round of insults, jabs, punches and blows. Where the occupants of Downton Abbey have been trained in the school of elegance, formality, and restraint, Donald Trump takes his cues from World Wrestling Entertainment repeatedly smacking down opponents and spewing offenses for pure entertainment. My husband happens to represent WWE wrestlers so I know from what I speak.  Somehow he has successfully pushed the limits well beyond comfort level appealing to the anger and disdain of our nation. Up to this point, his unorthodox behavior has been impervious to social norms making up his own rules with no subject, personal or professional, too taboo.  Whether he’s obnoxiously attacking an opponent on their physical features, unbelievably pretending not to hear a question involving KKK leader, David Duke, outrageously encouraging his supporters to raise their right hand and pledge their allegiance to his campaign, or peddling his personal brand of Trump products, he remains virtually unscathed and continues to crush in the polls. Astonishingly, he has single-handedly inspired more voter turnout than we’ve seen in the political system in recent history.  This guy’s on a winning streak that won’t end.

In preparation for the Downton finale, I viewed a double-feature of the “Manners of Downton Abbey” and “More Manners of Downton Abbey” which only served to underscore the many differences we are witnessing today in bold, high-definition color. From the style and grace that ruled their behavior to the gorgeous self-control that governed each movement and utterance. Not a step was taken or word was spoken without careful consideration and precision. Manners played an integral part of their daily lives. They provided structure, meaning and a code of conduct to live by - they were a rulebook to follow regardless of social class.  In stark contrast, we are witnessing a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants craziness laced with vulgarity and vibrato.  Manners are cast aside as an afterthought, while the disrupters, the rule-breakers and trouble-makers get things done.  So how do we make sense of this all?  How can we make peace with this shift in behavior?  Is there a sweet spot that lies somewhere in between the two?  In order to discover, let’s take a look at some of the key areas in which Downton and the Donald differ.

Character

Downton Abbey:  A cool reserve was the definition of good character.  Formality took precedence over everything. A disciplined restraint was observed at all times. Accomplishments were downplayed and humility was favored.  There was a deep sense of honor and attention paid to tradition and customs.  

Donald Trump:  Good character means winning. He is attention-seeking and smug unabashedly sharing his list of accomplishments and conveniently forgetting his failures.  He doesn’t feel beholden to the traditions or customs of the political process preferring to make up his own rules as he goes. 

Language

Downton Abbey. Careful consideration was given to how to speak, when to speak and what to say. Conversation was formal, indirect and devoid of emotion.  Words were used sparingly and methodically.  Vocabulary was intelligent and incredibly witty.

Donald Trump: His rhetoric is a symptom of our society today, uncensored and without filters.  It leans towards the simplified, the crass, and the monotonous. He is the king of catch-phrases, one-liners, and absurd attacks. He is quick to insult, brag, bully or be on the defense.  He does not back down and likes to have the final word.  

Deportment

Downton Abbey: Body movements were kept to a minimum with posture stick straight whether sitting or standing.  Hand gestures and facial expressions were barely detectable. Nothing was done with haste. Confrontation was to be avoided at all costs.

Donald Trump: He prefers a big entrance. His boisterous movements are taken right out of the WWE playbook. His facial expressions are priceless and comical. He is quick to gesture and point.  He relishes in inciting the crowds and dissing his detractors. He thrives on the spectacle, showing energy and plenty of passion.

Money

Downton Abbey: Money was never mentioned in polite conversation. Knowing your place in the social hierarchy was not privilege, it was a duty and, therefore, came with responsibility. It was rude to be snobbish.

Donald Trump: His wealth is repeatedly mentioned without an ounce of modesty or shame.  Whether he’s proudly defending his self-funded campaign, disputing his personal net worth, or touting the vast Trump brand, he fancies the flashy showing nothing but contempt for anything understated.

Manners Monday – 26 Must-Have Manners in 2016

Twenty-sixteen promises to be a doozy of a year.  With a contentious race for the oval office here in the U.S. and mounting turmoil around the world, there has never been a better time to break out our best manners for goodness' sake. The days of watching “Downton Abbey” are drawing to an end and so seems our arbiter of all things decent and just. During the Edwardian era, pride and dignity governed every decision and interaction. Discretion, decorum, and modesty were to be maintained at all times. 

Over one-hundred years later, it seems the exact opposite is true.  The more conspicuous, defiant, amplified, arrogant, and crazy/uncontrollable/trainwreck you are, the greater power and influence you yield. Whether you love him or hate him, Republican frontrunner Donald Trump is a perfect example of this. He has captivated interest and catapulted in the polls by ignoring the rules and imposing his unfiltered opinions. So have the Kardashians and the Housewives franchise for that matter, gaining attention and popularity by exposing their uncensored, unapologetic selves warts and all.  

These are the times we live in and society is taking note. While celebrities and politicians with public forums have more license with this type of behavior, the rest of us in the real world must adhere to a more humble set of rules to succeed. We need to treat each other with kindness, respect, and consideration in order to build relationships and forge meaningful bonds. 

To get started on the right foot both personally and professionally in the new year, here are 26 must-have manners for 2016. 

1. Greet people with good eye contact and a toothy smile.  It makes you appear more approachable and likable.

2. Always stand to shake someone’s hand.  Extend your right hand, shake web-to-web with two firm pumps, and then gently release.

3. RSVP to invitations in a timely manner. Be sure to reply even if you know you will be unable to attend.

4. Express gratitude for gifts received and other acts of kindness with a well written thank-you note delivered via post.    

5. Practice the three "B's" when toasting: begin, be brief, be seated. If you are the recipient of a toast, do not raise your glass to drink.  Simply smile and say thank you.

6. Use the Continental style of dining holding your fork in the left hand and knife in the right.  Face fork tines down to pierce the food while using the knife to cut and push the food onto the fork.  Sit up straight and lean in towards your plate. 

7. Return all phone and email communications within 24 – 48 hours.  Failure to do so conveys a message that one is not worthy of your immediate attention.

8. Texting is the preferred method of communication to let someone know you're running late, however a serious relationship cannot be conducted on a smartphone. Place a call instead.

9. Practice the art of articulation.  The more succinct your message, the better chance others will listen.

10. If you are invited to someone’s home for dinner, bring a host gift or offer to contribute to the meal.  A favorite homemade dessert, a nice bottle of wine or potted plant is always welcome.

11. Place your cell phone on vibration mode. Go silent in public places. Warn companions ahead of time if you are receiving an important call. At mealtime, keep phones off the table.

12. Fold your napkin in half lengthwise on your lap when eating, rest it on the seat of your chair to excuse yourself during the meal, and lay it on the table to the left of the plate once the meal has concluded.

13. Tip the standard 20% for services rendered and you will be sure to receive excellent service time and again.

14. Email wisely by typing the content first and then inserting the “Send” address before transmitting.  This will reduce accidental or incomplete communications.

15. After a job interview, send a thank-you note the same day, it will increase your chances of obtaining that position. 

16. Bathe on a daily basis. Keep hair, nails and skin clean. Use deodorant and only a dab of perfume or cologne.

17. When entering a room, stand up straight like a palm tree.  You will appear more confident, your clothes will fit better and you will look taller and leaner.

18. Meet and greet, neat. Ladies must be introduced to gentlemen, younger people to older people, and regular folk to dignitaries or VIP’s. At work, observe the hierachy from top to bottom, but remember the client always comes first.

19. Keep unsightly habits out of sight. Nail-chewing, gum-snapping, knuckle-cracking, excessive hair play, or grooming of the extremely personal or unsanitary sort will detract from your overall appearance.

20. Be forthcoming with the magic words. Include please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me, and I’m sorry in everyday conversation to smooth over every interaction, confrontation or altercation.

21. Dress according to season, weather or event. When in doubt, a good coat will cover up almost any fashion crime.

22. Resolve any conflict by listening and validating the other person’s opinion. If necessary, politely agree to disagree and then make your best efforts to move on.

23. Never leave the house without something minty concealed somewhere on your person. The same goes for tissues or a handkerchief.

24. If you are in the wrong, express true regret and sincerely apologize. Take full responsibility for your behavior and clean up your own mess.  You will be forgiven.

25. Use social media wisely to enhance your life, not enslave it. Disconnect from the matrix on a regular basis and reconnect in person with the most important people in your world.

26. Possess a positive attitude.  A healthy, grounded and optimistic outlook on life will garner you more invitations, more opportunities and help you win friends.