"Manners Monday" - RSVP For Goodness Sakes!

We're back this week with a new installment of "Manners Monday" and we're discussing the act of RSVPing. Recently, Jennifer Brandt, of Perfectly Disheveled, and I have overheard many friends complaining about other people not responding to their personal invitations. It has not seemed to make one iota of difference whether the invitation was to a small baby shower or a big charitable fundraiser, the consensus seems to be that people in general have forgotten common courtesy and the inclination to respond in a timely manner.

According to a recent statistic more than 80% of personal invitations receive no response at all. That’s a big chunk missing!! One step above the nonresponders, are those that do us a favor by RSVPing at the very last minute as if we should be thrilled they are gracing us with their presence. I think it’s no surprise that people everywhere are starting to get upset.

The fact that we’re living in a technological age only adds fuel to the fire. When we think of all the different types of invitations we are inundated with on a daily basis from social networking sites such as Facebook and LinkedIn to electronic invitations sites such as Evite and Ping, not to mention the handwritten invitations for birthday parties or charity events that we receive by mail, how is any sane person able to keep track of it all and respond accordingly?

The answer may simply be that we need to instill better organization and time management skills, but the point we are trying to make is, anyone who has taken the time to invite us or include us in their celebrations, events and other festivities, no matter which form of communication they use to invite us, deserves a response either way.

Accepting social invitations should not be a chore, it should be fun! It is actually a compliment. An invitation received is proof that you are likable and that people want to be in your presence, and that's a good thing, right? To avoid any future accidental offenses, below are a few ground rules for proper RSVPing.

1. Keep Track of Your Invites. Once you receive an invitation, you should RSVP within 24-48 hours of its receipt. This system helps to diminish any problems that may arise if another invitation for the same date and time arrives in the mail days later.

2. Split Your Time Sensibly. Although technically you are only obligated to attend the first invitation you receive, you may feel inclined (or obliged) to RSVP to more than one engagement at a given time. If that is the case, the trick is to be respectful and split your time sensibly to ensure you are not offending the invitees who probably wish they had you committed for the "whole enchilada".

3. Pay Extra Careful Attention to Electronic Invites. This becomes an especially delicate matter on sites such as Evite because you are able to see who opened your invitation, but did not respond. Think twice before publishing your invite list for all to see if you are concerned that some may base their decision on who else is coming.

4. Make Sure You Have a Good Excuse! If you are unable to RSVP positively to an event, that is perfectly fine, as long as you have a decent and thoughtful excuse. How you deliver your excuse and the words you choose to express yourself can make all the difference.

Ever received a really bad excuse? Send us the details of your story and we'll help you determine if it was the truth and how to respond accordingly. We'd love to hear from you!

"Manners Monday" - Fear of Missing Out a/k/a FOMO

Worried that your friends are having the time of their life without you? Jennifer Brandt and I wanted to explore this new syndrome identified as FOMO or the fear of missing out and how technology has upped the ante in the game.

Back in the day, you had to hear it through the grapevine. All those fantastic tidbits of information about friends and family had basically one source, word of mouth. Now there's a whole host of tools to make us feel inferior and simultaneously rub it in our faces! It's like we have to walk around with blinders on to avoid every awe inspiring detail.

So how does one get through each day without wanting to hide under a rock? Here are some helpful etiquette tips to keep everyone in check and spare the hurt feelings.

1. Don’t rub it in. If something wonderful happens that you want to share, at least have the decency and sensitivity to announce it in a slightly self-deprecating manner. This might help to make the bitter and jealousy pill (another person might be feeling) easier to swallow.

2. Keep it short and sweet. Do not write a dissertation. A few simple brief sentences about what is going on will suffice. No one needs to hear every last piece of minutia. Save your most intimate details for those face-to-face conversations with your nearest and dearest.

3. Word to the wise. On the flipside, if you are constantly consumed with what everyone else is doing, you can’t possibly enjoy your life. Do yourself a favor. Shut off your phones, computers and any other technological devices that connect you to the world and reconnect with the most important person there is, YOU!

4. Create a new destiny. Rather than letting FOMO control you, your time would be much better spent creating a new and exciting future that makes you happy and that you can control. Make a conscious choice to become interesting, find a passion, start a new hobby, travel, get cultured, the list is limitless.

5. Give someone a fighting chance. The incessant checking of email, texts, Facebook updates and tweets is enough to drive anyone crazy. These tools only serve to validate the FOMO hysteria. Don’t be a slave to them. Instead be present to your relationships and give those you interact with in person your undivided attention. Trust me, they will thank you for it.

Do you suffer from FOMO? Do you think technology has made matters worse? Share with us your thoughts. We'd love to hear from you!

"Manners Monday" - Life's Embarrassing Moments

This week's "Manners Monday" recalls the old Saturday Night Live sketches with Gilda Radner playing the character, Roseanne Roseannadanna. Each week, while discussing a current social issue she would inevitably digress and launch into a lengthy antecdote featuring a celebrity who suffered from some really embarrassing moment. Now Jennifer Brandt and I aren't featuring celebrities, but we are taking a light-hearted look at what you can do if you witness someone at the mercy of a truly embarrassing moment or if you yourself are caught in an unfortunate incident. Here are a few helpful tips to employ in these types of situations.

1.Tell them about it. Whether it’s a piece of spinach in the teeth or a toilet seat cover hanging from their pants, people deserve to know. The last thing anyone wants is to discover a shortcoming when they thought they were being fabulous.

2. It’s all in the delivery. Expressing yourself in the right way is the key. The point is to be discreet and employ the utmost sensitivity when telling the other person about their embarrassing moment.

3. Laughter is the best medicine. If you are the one experiencing an embarrassing moment, rather than be defensive, find the humor in the situation and move on.

4. Be secure with yourself. Refrain from constantly checking in with others to receive validation. It can become bothersome to repeatedly ask if you have food in your teeth or bad breath or other similar offenses.

5. It happens to everyone. The most important thing to remember is that embarrassing moments happen to everyone so always be kind and think about what you would do if the shoe were on the other foot.

Finally, here's one of my favorite classic Roseanne Roseannadanna stories.


She was talking about eating a hamburger in a restaurant and how she felt something hard in it. And she spit it out and it was white and looked like a toenail. She said, "I thought I was gonna die. I mean, what was a toenail doing in my hamburger?" Then she went to the restroom and on the way to the restroom she saw Princess Lee Radziwill who she described as the "classy lady that no one knows where she's the princess of." But what the Princess didn't know was she had a tiny piece of toilet paper hanging off her shoe, and she was walking around and the toilet paper wouldn't fall off. "I thought I was gonna be sick. So I says to her, 'Hey Princess Lee—what are ya tryin' to do, make me sick?' " So Jane Curtin asked her what this had to do with anything. Roseanne said, "Well it just goes to show you, it's always something, you either got a toenail in your hamburger or toilet paper clinging to your shoe." 

Got any off the charts embarrassing moments to share? Let us know what happened and how you recovered. We'd love to hear from you!!

"Manners Monday" - The Importance of Appearance

Appearance has always been important to me, not because I want to impress anyone else, but because I like to feel good about the way I look. In a town where an inordinate amount of emphasis is placed on appearance it feels like I am admitting something terrible. Am I talking about weekly botox appointments (have never tried it YET) or major plastic surgery? No! Do I get weekly manicures and blow dries and try to get to an exercise class at least 3 times a week? Yes!

Come to think of it, I get an awful lot of comments about my appearance. Most of the comments are complimentary, but I do receive a fair amount of teasing from my sister and my closest friends about my attire. Everyone close to me basically knows that I feel much more comfortable dressed in a suit than I do in sweats and I am known for my collection of coats which I wear without abandon just about every day of the week.

So my writing partner, Jennifer Brandt of Perfectly Disheveled, and I decided to break down a few of the manners misconceptions regarding appearance and offer a few tips on how to put yourself together on the fly.

*Moms, set your alarm so you have enough time to take care of yourself along with your family in the morning.

*In addition to laying out your children’s clothing, be prepared and lay out clothing (or makeup) for yourself the night before.

*Dress appropriately for the occasion. If you are going to the park, wear clothes that are not restricting and choose flats rather than heels. For a parent/teacher conference, a pair of slacks and a blouse make a nice statement. Dressing for the gym? Finish your look by adding a stylish casual jacket or sweater.

*Dedicate a quick minute or two for some careful grooming. Regardless of how rushed you are, wash your face, brush your teeth and hair, put on a bit of face cream, foundation, mascara and blush. You’ll be good to go!

*At the very least, maintain your poise and walk with good posture. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and move gracefully, heel toe, heel toe. This exudes confidence and strength.

*A smile makes up for everything. Even if you had minimal time to put yourself together, donning a smile endears you to everyone. (Just make sure you brushed those teeth!)

Let us know if these tips help or share with us a few of your own quick tricks. We would love to hear from you!

Manners Monday - Cell Phone Etiquette

Ask anyone their biggest manners pet peeve and one of their top three responses is likely to be poor cell phone etiquette. Rude cell phone behavior is spreading like wildfire and no one is immune to the offense. Friends and families, singles and marrieds, professionals and parents, whether in public or private, everyone is placing calls and accepting calls in the presence of others and it is getting pretty annoying!

We are so consumed with this 24/7 existence where everything must be responded to immediately and acted on right away that we have forgotten how to just relax and be present for one another. Don't get me wrong, this is not easy and I am certainly guilty of abusing the cell phone every now and again. What I do try to do, however, is instill the following tips so that if I must place or take a call, I will have made sure to smooth out any ruffled feathers in advance and hopefully avoid offending others.

Cell Phone Etiquette Tips

1. Turn your cell phone off. At the very least, place your phone on vibration mode before meeting others so that you may be fully present to your situation.

2. Communication is key. Communicate in advance if you know you will be receiving an important call. This will put others at ease rather than aggravate them.

3. Never place your cell phone on the table in plain sight. Simply place your phone in your lap so that you may glance down to view the caller if need be.

4. If you receive your important call, politely excuse yourself and conduct your conversation in private.

5. Speak softly so that you do not disturb those around you.

Do you know someone who is in major need of cell phone abuser's anonymous? Send them my way and I'll set them straight. A few quick tips and they'll understand how they can still stay in touch without upsetting those around them.

"Manners Monday" - Road Rage!

I love driving. I think I have always enjoyed it from the moment I received my learners permit many years ago. Give me some good music and an open road and I am set! Not to toot my own horn (no pun intended), but I actually think I'm a pretty good driver. I've even had a fantasy about opening my own driving school geared towards women because we drive intrinsically different from men. We are perpetually dashing from here to there, we have screaming and fighting kids in the car and we are multitasking feeding baby bottles, checking homework and thinking about the 3000 errands we need to get done in a given day.

Needless to say, we are driving on the edge. We are running on fumes with barely any sleep and our patience is typically lower than our male counterparts. So what do we do? We take our frustration and anger out onto the road. As such, my writing partner, Jennifer Brandt, and I decided it was time to bring to light the increasingly upsetting problem of road rage, especially in the school parking lot. Check out our latest "Manners Monday" video and try these driving etiquette tips the next time you feel yourself on the verge of losing it.

Etiquette Tips to Help Curb Road Rage in the School Parking Lot or Anywhere

1. Give yourself plenty of time to arrive at your destination.
2. Refrain from cell phone conversations when entering the parking lot so that you can be present to the situation at hand.
3. Don’t sweat the small stuff, if someone’s driving is bothering you, take a breath and count to ten.
4. Lay off the horn and the profanity, especially if children are in the car, you don’t want to set a bad example for them.
5. Never give someone the “finger.” It is just plain rude!

Do you have a crazy road rage story you'd like to share? Send us your tale and let us know how you dealt with the situation. We'd love to hear from you!

"Manners Monday" - It's More Than Please and Thank You!

Why Manners Monday? Well, considering the latest insanity going on in the world with "Winning!" crazy man Charlie Sheen's taking over the airwaves, anti-Semite John Galliano's racist remarks, and Libyan leader Moammar Kadafi's out of control threats of violence, we are once again at a crossroads and in major need of some help. This trifecta of zero tolerance and rampant incivility is at an all time high and there doesn't seem to be any signs of recourse or responsibility on the horizon.

Manners Monday is not going to solve the problems of the world anytime soon, but we do hope to shed light on some of the everyday incivilities that people are talking about and that happen to affect us in our daily lives. Jenny Brandt, founder of popular mommy blog Perfectly Disheveled, and I will explore such annoyances as poor cell phone etiquette, parking lot road rage, inappropriate attire for school drop off and so much more! Each Monday we'll break down a new topic and provide you with quick tips to ensure you are putting your best foot forward and not offending others.

Please feel free to send us your questions, comments or any topics you would like us to cover. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Very best,

Lisa Gache
Founder & CEO
Beverly Hills Manners