Mom is CEO, First Lady & Role Model Rolled into One Pretty Package – NO Pressure!

In the past week, I have heard a rainbow of responses from mothers about what will transpire this Mother’s Day.  One of my girlfriends who is not a fan of Hallmark holidays absolutely dreads the day and would rather ignore it entirely. Another mom I chatted up in spin class said her Mother’s Day has never once been about her and instead is about placating her mother and mother-in-law.  At a luncheon I attended recently, I laughed out loud when I heard that in anticipation of Mother’s Day this mom surreptitiously added money to her daughter’s credit card in the hope of receiving a decent Mother’s Day gift. A mantra from most of the mothers I’ve talked to is that they simply do not want to spearhead the planning of their own Mother’s Day.  Their needs are simple.They want to sleep in and not be bogged down by questions and carpooling and other demands typically put upon them every other day of the year.  A mother who had the faintest idea of what was in store for her special day summed it up best when she told me, “You have to have zero expectations, so you aren’t disappointed.” 

Meanwhile, zero expectations is the complete antithesis of what a mom fulfills for her children on a nearly daily basis.  She is, after all, CEO of the household, First Lady of the family, and the original role model rolled into one pretty package. She is the go-to-gal for virtually everything.  Scraped knee, belly ache, hurt feelings, bruised heart?  No problem, she is on it with ice packs, hot compresses, an ear to listen, and a shoulder to lean on. She is a jack-of-all trades, superhero combining the expert skills of a doctor, lawyer, limo driver, plumber, housekeeper, chef, party planner, travel agent, and so much more.  She is a master scheduler and ninja multi-tasker.  When it comes to her children, nothing can stand in her way.  She will move mountains and part seas to protect them. She is a tiger mom, a soccer mom, and a mama bear armed with a take-no-prisoners attitude and a don’t-even-think-about-messing-with-me spirit. And that is why we love her!

Mom as role-model possesses an ethereal elegance. She is poised, composed, thoughtful, presentable, well-spoken, and, of course, well-mannered.  We hold her up on a pedestal and demand her absolute best all of the time.  Does this job come with a great deal of pressure?  You betcha!  Why do you think so many moms count the seconds until they can glean just one peaceful moment to down their wine devoid of interruption?  For all of these reasons and a thousand more, it is important to show mom the love on this day dedicated to her greatness and to recognize that with all of the amazing things she does, she is also human and she will make mistakes, grave mistakes every now and again.  

So today cut her some slack and shower her with the love she so rightly deserves.  Do a dish, take out the garbage, hold your tongue, set the table, pull out her chair, help her with her coat, give her a hug, and most importantly, say thank you and tell her how much you appreciate her.  That is guaranteed to put a smile on her face at least until…Father’s Day.  Don’t even get me started on moms many roles and responsibilities when it comes to the care and keeping of DAD!

"Mother's Day" - Who Is It Really About?

You see this beautiful photo of my two smiling girls? This is who it's all about for me and that's enough.

On Mother's Day, the world of mothers seems to be divided into two very distinct camps: (1) those that want to be pampered and honored and waited on hand-and-foot and, (2) those who consider it to be just another regular day and are happy to cook and clean and take care of their families as usual. Alright, maybe not cook and clean, but they seem to be pretty content with handling all of the responsibilities that they normally do with a smile on their face.

Now we're not making any judgements, the way in which mom chooses to celebrate her big day is completely her prerogative. Maybe she wants to escape for a bit and run off to a movie with a girlfriend or perhaps she just needs to let off a little steam and opts for a hike solo in the mountains. Who knows, maybe dad is out of town on business alot and they kids barely give her the time of day so mom would appreciate a little extra attention on the one day of the year that is dedicated to her, and that is perfectly understandable.

The only trouble I have with Mother's Day is when a mother jumps on a soap box and demands that everyone drop everything to cater to her every whim as if she's the only mother on earth celebrating this day. Especially when the children are young, I think it is much more becoming for a mother to be gracious and appreciative rather than demanding.

And this extends to grandmother's as well! They have had years of being the only mother acknowledged on Mother's Day, but once the grandchildren are born (and again, especially if they are still young), then grandmothers should take a back seat and let the mothers shine on their big day. In my opinion, grandmothers should be unconditionally grateful, loving and supportive of their daughters in however they wish to celebrate with their families and in return their daughters will undoubtedly shower them with the genuine appreciation and love they deserve.

So for me personally, instead of waking up on Mother's Day waiting to be served breakfast in bed by my husband and girls, I may ask to sleep in a bit more, but then I will make breakfast for everyone as I typically do on the weekends without feeling resentful. I will open up my handmade gifts and cards from my family and feel totally complete as I know that it is these treasures that are the most meaningful. And, I will relish in the family gathering at a BBQ or dinner out at a restaurant or whatever else we have planned as a celebration because this is pretty much all I need on this day, to be together and know that my family loves me and I love them.

A special shout out to all of the women in my family who are mothers and to all of my friends who are mothers and anyone else out there who is a mother. I honor you on this day for being the incredibly multi-tasking, spatula-wielding, craft-making, CEO-of-the-family-whiz you are every day of the year. A toast to mothers everywhere!!

Mother's Day - A Tale of Love, An Exercise in Patience

Many of us have issues with our mothers. They are in our hair, reminding us of our faults and shortcomings, but we have to remember that they really do not mean us any harm. Yes, sometimes the words come out all wrong, but deep down they just want us to be happy and thrive. Regardless of the relationship you have with your mother, observing Mother’s Day in some form and trying to make amends is the right thing to do. After all, your mother created you and brought you into the world and is hopefully worthy of an acknowledgement. Most mothers fall into one of five categories: the helicopter mother, the critical mother, the aloof mother, the martyr mother or the cougar mother. If you have the perfect mother, than congratulations and forgive me, this article is not for you. For the rest of us, read on to see what type of mother you have, how to acknowledge her on the big day and how you might improve your relationship going forward.

The Helicopter Mother. This mother hovers on your every move. She calls multiple times a day and wants to know what you are doing and with whom you are doing it. She cooks food and brings it to your home and can’t sit still when she visits. She is more comfortable doing the laundry or straightening the house. She doesn’t stop and it drives you crazy. Acknowledgement: Call her to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day first thing in the morning before she has a chance to call you. Select a thoughtful card that expresses how much you appreciate all of the wonderful things she does for you. This mother feeds off the drama so offer to take her to a nice lunch followed by a Sunday matinee at the theatre. How to change going forward: Before the afternoon ends, politely and calmly explain that all of the doting can sometimes feel like smothering and, if possible, you would be grateful if she would allow you a little more space as you are convinced it would be beneficial to you both.

The Critical Mother. For this mother, nothing is ever good enough. She is unhappy with everything about your life from the clothes you wear, to the friends you make and the job you keep. You work like a dog to please her, but it just turns out all wrong. Acknowledgement: This mother is hard to impress and the typical card gesture just won’t do. Rather than meeting her in broad daylight, suggest meeting for a cocktail and bring her a bouquet of flowers to soften the mood. A glass of wine will take the edge off and you both may even wind up enjoying yourselves. How to change going forward: Tell her that you love her and that you know she has your best interest at heart, but that sometimes her comments can be hurtful. Explain that you would genuinely like to spend more time together if she can agree to keep things a bit more light and positive in the future.

The Aloof Mother. This mother keeps her distance, maybe a little too much. She is totally self-absorbed and oftentimes needs a reminder to call on your birthday. She likes to be casual and spontaneous. Acknowledgement: You don’t need to bend over backwards for this mother. She may be perfectly happy with a suggestion of a Mother’s Day walk on the beach followed by an impromptu picnic lunch. Since it is her day, indulge her by asking unlimited questions about herself. She will enjoy this immensely and it will make her feel loved. How to change going forward: Tell her that it has been so enjoyable spending time together and that you hope she can make herself more available to you so that you can continue to connect and share in each other’s lives on a deeper level.

The Martyr Mother. This mother never lets you forget the sacrifices she made to give you the life you have. She may also be trying to live vicariously through you and is resentful if you appear to be fulfilling some of the dreams she was unable to fulfill. Acknowledgement: This mother feels entitled and deserving of the absolute best on Mother’s Day. Appease her by treating her to an elegant brunch or dinner complete with a bouquet of red roses. Throw this mother a bone on her day since she will milk it for all it’s worth. How to salvage your relationship going forward: In a respectful and nurturing manner, express how much you care about her, but that she needs to let go of the past so that she can start enjoying the present.

The Cougar Mother. Watch out, this mother is on the prowl! She is a hot, divorced mama and is after your boyfriend, husband or any other male figure in your life. She wants to hang out and party together, much to your dismay. Acknowledgement: Say Happy Mother’s Day by inviting her to civilized high tea where she’ll have to be on her best behavior and no funny business will be tolerated. To make her feel good, complement her on her outfit and mention how young and beautiful she looks. How to change going forward: Delicately explain to her that, although she is fabulous, you have your life and she has hers and sometimes the two should not mix. Boundaries exist for a reason and you feel more comfortable knowing they are there and that your mother respects them. Assure her that if you happen to meet a single, available man that you are not interested in, you would be more than happy to fix her up!!