Wednesday Wisdom - Back 2 School Manners for the Teenage Set

My two teenage girls started new public schools in the scenic Pacific Palisades area of Los Angeles.  They are both making this transition during a phase in their academic careers when my youngest is entering her final year of middle school and her sister is starting her sophomore year of high school.  The timing isn’t exactly ideal to make a significant change and be forced to make new friends and figure out a new school campus, but life is about staying flexible and finding a path that feels right. They have changed schools many times previously from public to private and back again. Some experiences were good, and some were downright ugly, but all were enriching nonetheless and each made them the strong, independent young ladies they are today.

As they blossom into full-fledged teenagers, my attention has turned to preparing them for the challenging road to college.  For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been combing the August issue of Town & Country - the one containing the College Anxiety Guide – and it has made me even more clear on the message I want to impart on my girls going forward. Given the current climate of our country and the vitriol we are witnessing across the globe, it is crucial that our teens are equipped with solid character-building skills and self-respect so that they can interact with their peers at school and the world in a way that is both meaningful and constructive.  While I'll never stop preaching the tenets of The Golden Rule or reminding them to keep their social media clean, there are deeper themes I want them to hold dear at the start of this new school year.

Acceptance. These first days and weeks of school set the tone for the next nine months. One single student can make a significant impact for the better and have a rippling effect on a class at large.  Whether attending a big school or small, there will be kids in attendance from different economic, religious, ethnic, cultural, and sociological backgrounds and each is equally entitled to be there.  Be kind, be tolerant, and be friendly with everyone.  A smile and simple acknowledgment place all on a level playing field.

Balance. Every teen needs an outlet and athletics or some type of physical activity is just the antidote for both the book worm and the social butterfly.  The natural endorphins achieved through moving the body create equilibrium and help to diminish feelings of anxiety and anger.  Participating as a member of a team or taking a group exercise class provides much needed interpersonal connection and expands social circles.

Intuition. The teen years are wrought with bad decisions and the constant test of will to do what is right or fall prey to peer pressure.  Teens need to learn to go with their gut feeling.  It will never steer them wrong. And, this is where the self-respect component plays a significant part.  If teens have a strong sense of self and it is nurtured by their parents, they will tap into it to make better choices. They will become imaginative and find ways to fool their silly friends when it comes to drugs and alcohol and they will think twice before jumping into a car with an unsafe driver.  

Passion. “Passion cannot be faked.”  I wholeheartedly agree with Charles Isherwood in his article Liberal Bias for Town & Country magazine.  Educational institutions are growing smarter to the fact that many kids may be fulfilling their parent’s prophecy rather than pursuing their own personal interests.  Now’s the time for teens to explore activities that they are particularly passionate about whether that be student government or sailing the high seas.  If they haven’t figured it out yet, then parents can present options and make suggestions, but they should really be in the driver's seat.

Trust. Teens throw this word around loosely without the faintest clue of its true gravity and power.  They demand that parents ‘trust’ them as if they are old enough to make adult decisions. What they really need to start mastering is trusting themselves and earning our trust. They must also practice the art of trusting their friends and trusting the universe at large. Real trust can turn seemingly large problems into smaller manageable ones. It allows teens to take a beat and give another person the benefit of the doubt rather than going immediately for the jugular. By trusting the universe they are staying nimble, they are giving up control, and they are committing to the notion that everything will work itself out in the end.  Not such a bad thing in my book.

6 Back-To-School Manners Kids Should Master Before Stepping Foot on the School Campus

Ah, the dawn of a new school year.  Kids are kicking and screaming for having to wake up early after almost three solid months of sleeping in late while parents are rejoicing that they'll have the house back to themselves to binge watch their favorite show on Netflix without interruption.  Not so fast. The race to ensure everyone in the housefhold is appropriately dressed and properly nourished with backpacks and lunches in tow, in the wee hours of the morning, is relentless.  Add in the pressure cooker of arriving at the bus stop on time or fighting traffic in the carpool lane and it's enough to send anyone over the edge.  Let the games begin. 

Whether they're beginning the first day of kindergarten or starting senior year of high school, the basic tenets of back-to-school manners never change.  Arming children with these important skills, before they step foot on campus, will increase confidence and guarantee success this new school year.

1. Put Effort into Presentation. New dress codes have been established at many schools across the country with extra attention paid to skirt lengths, bare shoulders, and tight or low waisted pants. Staying within school guidelines limits wardrobe competition and eliminates distraction.  Dress for the season and the weather, they don't always coincide. Wear athletic footware for everyday or closed toe shoes for formal occasions.  Putting effort into presentation it is not for show, but an act of self-respect as well as respect for the institution.  

2. Fraternize Politely with Friends.  The first few days and weeks at school are crucial for reconnecting with old friends and cultivating new relationships. Be that brave soul who greets everyone with a smile and kind words. Don't be a busy gossip sticking your nose in everyone's business. Mind your own. Never bully and step up if you see another person the victim of bullying. Look for opportunities to include others. Seek out those who are alone and invite them to join you and your friends.  This small act of sensitivity will leave a positive and lasting impact.

3. Hold Court in the Classroom. Draw attention to yourself, not by being the class clown, but by being the class role-model. Develop a respectful rapport with your teacher saying hello and goodbye each day. Raise your hand rather than blurting out. Sit up straight and lean in to actively listen. Participate and contribute to the conversation, don't detract from it. Create, collaborate and cooperate with classmates on assignments and projects. Respect personal space. Never let your eyes wander to copy another's homework or cheat on a test.   

4. Play Nice on the Field.  Safety comes first. Dress for athletic activities. Hair worn up or pulled back away from the face. Sneakers tightly laced to prevent tripping. Physical exercise is great for the mind and body. Give it your all. Practice good sportsmanship and be a team player. Be supportive to teammates, praise them for their efforts, and remember to thank all for a game well-executed.

5. Make the Most of Table Manners.  Elevate the lunch experience by implementing the tools of the table.  Whether you bring lunch from home or eat the lunch provided at school, dare to dine with some semblence of decorum.  Be sensitive to nut allergies. Avoid packing pungent smelling foods. Never cut the cafeteria line. Recyle where possible and clean up after your own mess.  Lunch is a bonding experience.  Include new friends and old to join you at the table.

6. Keep Tabs on Technology. Or the school will do it for you. Administrators may have access to your social media and be able to monitor your postings. This comes in response to an increase in cyber-bullying, school threats and other cries for help. Remember social media is a public forum. Know that anything transmitted electronically is permanent and privacy does not exist. Tablets and computers should be used for schoolwork only, not to shop online or socialize. Use schooltime to hone your interpersonal skills such as making good eye contact, engaging in face-to-face conversation, listening for tone of voice, and reading facial gestures. Listen and be present to your teachers and your friends.

A special note to parents. Back-to-school is not just for kids. When driving on campus, wait patiently in line for pickups and drop offs. Don't even think about honking. Park carefully in spaces. Greet parents in the hall with a smile and a few simple pleasantries. Sign up and volunteer for school activities when possible. Offer to help fellow parents in need with carpooling duties or a delivered meal.  

Manners Monday – Back 2 School Manners 4 Parents

On the final night of summer, parents countrywide prepared for the annual ritual of going back to school.  They busily organized backpacks with new supplies, painstakingly prepared lunch boxes with the latest healthy (or not so healthy) fare, selectively laid out outfits or uniforms to help their kids look presentable, and perhaps snuck in a handwritten note in their notebooks wishing their kids a great first day! 

Mission accomplished, they tucked their children into bed and let out one last remark reiterating their excitement about new teachers and inspired curriculum's, meeting new friends and maintaining old relationships. They reminded them to remember the six pillars of character and be mindful of the golden rule.  With the parenting checklist for back-to-school preparation completed, they breathed a collective sigh of relief. 

Not so fast parents!  There is still work to be done.  It is virtually impossible to steer your  kids in the right direction - trust me, they will never listen - without taking a good close look at yourselves and your own back-to-school behavior.  As you slowly integrate into schedules and school lunches this week, take a moment to review our list of dos and don’ts.  Remember, your children emulate you and will do as you do and not as you say. Better to set them on the right course by setting a good example. You certainly don’t want anyone pointing a finger at them and saying the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

Do

• Greet fellow parents each day with a smile.
• Integrate new parents by including them in school activities and special events.
• Use the magic words unconditionally and often with teachers, administration and staff.
• Introduce yourself to your child’s teacher and establish a relationship.
• Make your best effort to donate monies for class funds, field trips & other activities in a timely manner.
• Offer to help parents and children who are in need.
• Keep negative comments about the school or other parents or their children to yourself.
• Communicate with your child and let them solve their own problems with their peers if possible.
• Keep tabs on your own child and make sure they are not bullying others.
• Regulate your child with a good night’s sleep and a nutritious breakfast each morning.
• Use designated crosswalks when crossing the street near school perimeters.

Don’t

• Judge parents by how much or how little they are able to volunteer at school.
• Attempt to gain favor with your child’s teacher by showering them with accolades or gifts.
• Send mass emails to your child’s class list unless it’s regarding school work or administration.
• Hit “reply all” unless the person who initiated the email has expressly requested it.
• Gossip or spread harmful rumors about the school, the parents, or the children.
• Jump to conclusions about anything school-related. Give others the benefit of the doubt, gather your facts and then respond accordingly.
• Jay-Walk unsafely with your children in tow.
• Honk, double-park or block other drivers. We are all just trying to find a space and get our children to school. Have some patience and take a breath!

I'm sure there are many parents out there who wish other parents had better manners at school. What are some of your biggest gripes?  Which do's and don'ts would you add to this list?  Please share with us, we'd love to hear from you!!

For more info, read our blogs on Back 2 School Manners for Kids http://90210manners.blogspot.com/2011/08/back-2-school-manners.html and college-aged students http://90210manners.blogspot.com/2011/08/back-2-school-manners-college-years.html.

Back 2 School Manners - The College Years

The beginning of a new school year is sometimes met with bittersweet sentiment, especially for those parents with older children who are leaving the nest and going away to college for the first time. After years of preparation, test taking, filling out applications and going on tours, the final weeks are spent shopping for dorm room essentials, new wardrobes and such.

I remember my first day of Sarah Lawrence College like it was yesterday. I recall the outfit I wore and the friends that I met. I remember the strange feeling of being in a new environment on my own and left to my own devices. It definitely took some time for me to settle in and feel comfortable. I can only imagine what college will be like by the time my girls attend in about ten years. One thing's for sure, I will want to arm them with survival skills to ensure their transition is a smooth one and bears no resemblance to an episode of Gossip Girl. Below are 8 surefire ways for your child to make the most of their college experience while simultaneously maintaining their respect as well as their reputation.

Be Approachable and Friendly. The quickest way to win friends and make allies is to be approachable, kind and friendly. Your fabulous presentation and engaging personality won't mean much if you forget to smile. Being happy and smiling sends a signal to others that you wish to engage. Use all three to your advantage. At all costs, stay away from negative body language. Crossed arms give the appearance that one is uncomfortable, defensive or does not wish to be bothered. Be aware of this so that you always put forth a positive first impression.

Know How to Start a Conversation. College is a melting pot filled with students from cities all over world. To connect with others, your conversation skills must be up to par. Those that can speak about a number of subjects are more attractive and appear more intelligent. It is a good idea to brush up on cultural events, national news and local happenings so that you may contribute to any conversation topic that may arise. Remember the key to being an expert conversationalist is to be a good listener and ask thoughtful questions.

Keep Your Dorm Room Neat & Be Respectful. When living quarters are shared, it is important to pay extra careful attention to keeping your belongings neat and tidy. Not only are students coming together and meeting each other for the first time, but they are also expected to live together under the same roof and learn to put up with each other's habits and so forth. Be respectful of your dorm mates, maintain your privacy and allow them the same courtesy. This will go a long way towards making sure you and your dorm mates are still close at the end of the year.

Beware of How You Present Yourself Online. Social media has become a very big part one's college identity. After all,Facebook was started by a Harvard college student! Begin your college experience with a clean slate by easing in to your online communications. Remember professors, school administration, your parents and many others may be able to view your postings. Stay away from uploading inappropriate photos or posting offensive messages about yourself or others. Keep certain information private. Leave some details to be uncovered during your face to face communications.

Practice Face to Face Communication. Although you may favor texting to talking or emailing to chatting, it is important to incorporate some quality face time in your relationships. Technology, although convenient, has only moved us further away from our personal interactions and has, in effect, caused us to separate from the people we care about. Schedule regular face time with your friends because no matter how many emoticons you incorporate into your devices, it's nice to read one's true emotions and feelings in person.

Maintain Good Health Habits. Just because you're off to college and there's no adult around to nag at you doesn't mean you should neglect regular hygiene and eating nutritionally. Trust me, your roommate has no interest in living with the stench of someone who has not showered in a week and eating nachos and drinking 20 ounce Diet Cokes for breakfast, lunch and dinner will provide you with absolutely zero nutritional value.

Challenge Yourself and Diversify. You may have already chosen all of your classes, but there are many extra-curricular activities you can enroll in to broaden your horizons and help make you a more interesting, well-rounded person. A challenge is always necessary for growth, take risks and do something that is different from what you are accustomed to. The rewards of breaking out of your comfort zone will pay off in the long run.

Have Fun and Act Responsibly. Most importantly, the time spent at college is meant to be fun. Since you will be there for a good four (or five years), you may as well make the best of it, possess a positive attitude and embrace everything it has to offer. Just remember that fun would not be as fun without the balance of responsibility. Dressing appropriately, showing up for classes on time, communicating respectfully to administration, staff and fellow students, participating in school activities, doing your laundry regularly and finding ways to contribute to your college community are all excellent examples of showing you are growing into a responsible and mature adult.

"Back 2 School Manners"

After the Labor Day weekend, children all across the country will finally be back in school. Some parents will be jumping for joy and rushing them out of the house desperate for some peace and quiet and others will be experiencing the bittersweet emotion of separation and loss that their “baby” is growing older. Regardless of your child’s age and how long they have been attending school, we have devised a list of back-to-school manners we believe will help you and your children transition more easily and gracefully into the new school year.

1. Obey “The Golden Rule”. We’ve heard it a hundred times. Treat others they way you would like to be treated. Think about it, if our children actually, consciously pondered this phrase I bet there would be a lot less hurt feelings, bullying, and unruly behavior in the classroom and on the playground.

2. Practice Safety First. Believe it or not, to be safe is to use good manners. When children are watching out for themselves and their fellow classmates, fewer accidents occur. This is true for both the school grounds as well as the surrounding parking area.

3. Bullying is Bad Behavior. Teach your children to be sweet and kind to their fellow schoolmates. Being a bully is usually a cry for help from a child who is in desperate need of some attention and love. Take the high road and show sensitivity towards that child until they are able to learn how to properly express themselves.

4. Friends Forever. Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold. Each year the students in the classrooms change. Children should view this as an opportunity to make new friends. They should be reminded to cultivate the relationships they already have, but also be encouraged to introduce themselves to new students and new classmates. Remember to stand up straight, smile and make good eye contact when making introductions.

5. Cut Out the Cliques and Be Inclusive of Everyone. All students want to be accepted by their peers at school. Speak to your children about the negative effects of whispering, gossiping or excluding others. Explain to them how they would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. They should be inclusive of everyone at all times at school, especially to new students who may be more shy or reserved. They do not have to engage everyone in deep conversation, but a friendly and warm smile is a must!

6. Make Cleanliness & Hygiene a Top Priority. The Swine Flu epidemic was enough to put most parents on high alert. Teach your teacher the value and importance of cleanliness and hygiene. Make sure they wash their hands (with soap) repeatedly throughout the day, sneeze into their arm as opposed to their hands (which carry germs) and (for those with long locks) wear their hair up in a ponytail or braids to avoid bringing home lice.

7. Be True to Your School. Children should be respectful towards the school administration and staff. Encourage them to channel their inner school spirit and support their school teams both academic and sports related. Motivate them to run for student council or take the lead on a charitable drive to raise funds for the school.

8. Practice Good Study Habits. Children quickly learn that homework only gets more difficult as you get older. Better to learn good study habits when you are young so that they become second nature as you progress into higher education. Assist them in creating a schedule with blocks of time for work and for play so that no matter how much work they have, they will feel a sense of balance.

9. Birthday Parties & Sleepovers. This goes back to our rule about inclusion. Children should be sensitive to their schoolmate's feelings and not exclude individuals. For birthday parties, they should either invite the entire class, keep it a same gender party or limit themselves to two or three friends for an intimate celebration. They should send party invitations via email or mail and not through backpacks as they are easily lost. For sleepovers, teach your children to discuss their plans after school to avoid any hurt feelings from friends who are not part of the plan. If they discover a friend is within earshot, suggest to them a sleepover plan for another date in the future.

10. Back-to-School Manners are Not Just for Kids! Parents are often some of the worst offenders. Greet fellow parents each day with a warm and friendly smile. Remember to include new parents in school activities and special events. Avoid gossip or negative comments about other parents or the school. Use the magic words unconditionally and often with teachers, administration and staff. Your children emulate you and will do as you do and not as you say. Better to set them on the right course by setting a good example. Remind them of your expectations and rules with regard to their manners and behavior in general. This will provide them with the confidence they need to achieve in school and have a productive and successful year!

Back To School Manners - The College Years

The beginning of a new school year is sometimes met with bittersweet sentiment, especially for those parents with older children who are leaving the nest and going away to college for the first time. After years of preparation, test taking, filling out applications and going on tours, the final weeks are spent shopping for dorm room essentials, new wardrobes and such.

I remember my first day of Sarah Lawrence College like it was yesterday. I recall the outfit I wore and the friends that I met. I remember the strange feeling of being in a new environment on my own and left to my own devices. It definitely took some time for me to settle in and feel comfortable. I can only imagine what college will be like by the time my girls attend in about ten years. One thing's for sure, I will want to arm them with survival skills to ensure their transition is a smooth one and bears no resemblance to an episode of Gossip Girl. Below are 8 surefire ways for your child to make the most of their college experience while simultaneously maintaining their respect as well as their reputation.

Be Approachable and Friendly. The quickest way to win friends and make allies is to be approachable, kind and friendly. Your fabulous presentation and engaging personality won't mean much if you forget to smile. Being happy and smiling sends a signal to others that you wish to engage. Use all three to your advantage. At all costs, stay away from negative body language. Crossed arms give the appearance that one is uncomfortable, defensive or does not wish to be bothered. Be aware of this so that you always put forth a positive first impression.

Know How to Start a Conversation. College is a melting pot filled with students from cities all over world. To connect with others, your conversation skills must be up to par. Those that can speak about a number of subjects are more attractive and appear more intelligent. It is a good idea to brush up on cultural events, national news and local happenings so that you may contribute to any conversation topic that may arise. Remember the key to being an expert conversationalist is to be a good listener and ask thoughtful questions.

Keep Your Dorm Room Neat & Be Respectful. When living quarters are shared, it is important to pay extra careful attention to keeping your belongings neat and tidy. Not only are students coming together and meeting each other for the first time, but they are also expected to live together under the same roof and learn to put up with each other's habits and so forth. Be respectful of your dorm mates, maintain your privacy and allow them the same courtesy. This will go a long way towards making sure you and your dorm mates are still close at the end of the year.

Beware of How You Present Yourself Online. Social media has become a very big part one's college identity. After all, Facebook was started by a Harvard college student! Begin your college experience with a clean slate by easing in to your online communications. Remember professors, school administration, your parents and many others may be able to view your postings. Stay away from uploading inappropriate photos or posting offensive messages about yourself or others. Keep certain information private. Leave some details to be uncovered during your face to face communications.

Practice Face to Face Communication. Although you may favor texting to talking or emailing to chatting, it is important to incorporate some quality face time in your relationships. Technology, although convenient, has only moved us further away from our personal interactions and has, in effect, caused us to separate from the people we care about. Schedule regular face time with your friends because no matter how many emoticons you incorporate into your devices, it's nice to read one's true emotions and feelings in person.

Maintain Good Health Habits. Just because you're off to college and there's no adult around to nag at you doesn't mean you should neglect regular hygiene and eating nutritionally. Trust me, your roommate has no interest in living with the stench of someone who has not showered in a week and eating nachos and drinking 20 ounce Diet Cokes for breakfast, lunch and dinner will provide you with absolutely zero nutritional value.

Challenge Yourself and Diversify. You may have already chosen all of your classes, but there are many extra-curricular activities you can enroll in to broaden your horizons and help make you a more interesting, well-rounded person. A challenge is always necessary for growth, take risks and do something that is different from what you are accustomed to. The rewards of breaking out of your comfort zone will pay off in the long run.

Have Fun and Act Responsibly. Most importantly, the time spent at college is meant to be fun. Since you will be there for a good four (or five years), you may as well make the best of it, possess a positive attitude and embrace everything it has to offer. Just remember that fun would not be as fun without the balance of responsibility. Dressing appropriately, showing up for classes on time, communicating respectfully to administration, staff and fellow students, participating in school activities, doing your laundry regularly and finding ways to contribute to your college community are all excellent examples of showing you are growing into a responsible and mature adult.

“Top 10 List of Back-To-School Manners”

After the Labor Day weekend, children all across the country are finally back in school. Some parents are jumping for joy and can’t get them out of the house quickly enough and others are experiencing the bittersweet emotion of separation and loss as their “baby” is growing older. Regardless of your child’s age and how long they have been attending school, we have devised a list of Back-to-School Manners we believe will help you and your children transition more easily and gracefully into the new school year.

1. Obey “The Golden Rule”. We’ve heard it a hundred times. Treat others they way you would like to be treated. Think about it, if our children actually, consciously pondered this phrase I bet there would be a lot less hurt feelings, bullying, and unruly behavior in the classroom and on the playground.
2. Practice Safety First. Believe it or not, to be safe is to use good manners. When children are watching out for themselves and their fellow classmates, fewer accidents occur. This is true for both the school grounds as well as the surrounding parking area.
3. Bullying is Bad Behavior. Teach your children to be sweet and kind to their fellow schoolmates. Being a bully is usually a cry for help from a child who is in desperate need of some attention and love. Take the high road and show sensitivity towards that child until they are able to learn how to properly express themselves.
4. Friends Forever. Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold. Each year the students in the classrooms change. Children should view this as an opportunity to make new friends. They should be reminded to cultivate the relationships they already have, but also be encouraged to introduce themselves to new students and new classmates. Remember to stand up straight, smile and make good eye contact when making introductions.
5. Cut Out the Cliques and Be Inclusive of Everyone. All students want to be accepted by their peers at school. Speak to your children about the negative effects of whispering, gossiping or excluding others. Explain to them how they would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. They should be inclusive of everyone at all times at school, especially to new students who may be more shy or reserved. They do not have to engage everyone in deep conversation, but a friendly and warm smile is a must!
6. Make Cleanliness & Hygiene a Top Priority. The Swine Flu epidemic was enough to put most parents on high alert. Teach your teacher the value and importance of cleanliness and hygiene. Make sure they wash their hands (with soap) repeatedly throughout the day, sneeze into their arm as opposed to their hands (which carry germs) and (for those with long locks) wear their hair up in a ponytail or braids to avoid bringing home lice.
7. Be True to Your School. Children should be respectful towards the school administration and staff. Encourage them to channel their inner school spirit and support their school teams both academic and sports related. Motivate them to run for student council or take the lead on a charitable drive to raise funds for the school.
8. Practice Good Study Habits. Children quickly learn that homework only gets more difficult as you get older. Better to learn good study habits when you are young so that they become second nature as you progress into higher education. Assist them in creating a schedule with blocks of time for work and for play so that no matter how much work they have, they will feel a sense of balance.
9. Birthday Parties & Sleepovers. This goes back to our rule about inclusion. Children should be sensitive to their schoolmate's feelings and not exclude individuals. For birthday parties, they should either invite the entire class, keep it a same gender party or limit themselves to two or three friends for an intimate celebration. They should send party invitations via email or mail and not through backpacks as they are easily lost. For sleepovers, teach your children to discuss their plans after school to avoid any hurt feelings from friends who are not part of the plan. If they discover a friend is within earshot, suggest to them a sleepover plan for another date in the future.

10. Back-to-School Manners are Not Just for Kids! Parents are often some of the worst offenders. Greet fellow parents each day with a warm and friendly smile. Remember to include new parents in school activities and special events. Avoid gossip or negative comments about other parents or the school. Use the magic words unconditionally and often with teachers, administration and staff. Your children emulate you and will do as you do and not as you say. Better to set them on the right course by setting a good example. Remind them of your expectations and rules with regard to their manners and behavior in general. This will provide them with the confidence they need to achieve in school and have a productive and successful year!